Edinburgh Fringe 2014: Valentina Sulas

Meet Valentina Sulas, who assures me that her one-woman play, The Mother Of The Priest, is this year's not to be missed production. To quote from her flyer, The Mother Of The Priest is:

The tragic story of a priest yielding to the temptations of the flesh, his mother trying to persuade him to redeem himself, and his young passionate lover, in a small timeless village.

What more can I say? Valentina is engagingly lovely and has travelled a long way to bring us this production. You can see her at Venue 239, The Street, 2B Picardy Place, daily at 5.15pm until the 23 August 2014.

If you enjoy the play, please don't forget to drop something in the hat at the end.

Jim Murphy MP avoids a question

With the Indy referendum just a month away, there are any number of Yes campaign rallies and meetings up and down the country. The No teams are hardly seen, and Jim Murphy MP is probably one of the reasons why. Put simply, this 2 August rant in Ayr is typical of a No campaign that involves lots of shouting to very small groups of people:

In the video below, a woman tries to get Murphy to admit that Gordon brown lied when he said that an independent Scotland would not be able to get human organs for transplant from south of the border. That lie was shot down by the body responsible for matching organs with recipients, so all Murphy had to do was admit to that fact:

Instead he launches into a highly entertaining rant, whilst turning away from the questioner and refusing to meet her eye.

Maybe he was ashamed? If not, he should be.

Cheers: Wings Over Scotland

The Soweto Gospel Choir in Edinburgh

The Edinburgh Festival doesn't officially start until the 1st August, but that hasn't stopped all and sundry from beginning the street performances. The highlight of this year will be the Soweto Gospel Choir, four members of which entertained the crowds in Edinburgh today. 

Many English people support a yes vote.

The polls show that a majority of English people in Scotland will vote no to independence, but as always the devil is in the detail. The detail here is that the bulk of English population is made up of middle class types who have an economic interest if keeping hold of the Union. That's not the case for all of us, however.

I was in my local Asda earlier today and since the place was quiet I got to chat with the checkout girl. From her accent she was obviously a Londoner, and she told me that she had moved up here a year ago, which is the same amount of time that I have been in Scotland. She explained that along with her boyfriend they had just bought a two-bedroom flat with a garden and parking space for £72,000, "and in London you can't get a garage for that," she said.

The girl went on to explain that she gets annoyed at the TV because all the reports about London only talk about the rich, and everyone forgets the native London working class who are being forced out of their city. When her boyfriend suggested that they cut their losses and move to his home town she agreed with alacrity.

I told her that I was voting yes in September and she nodded her head and said that so was she.

This story can be repeated across Edinburgh when it comes to English working class people who have had a bellyful of a country that has become the Land of Dopey Tories, especially in the South. To make matters worse, although Ed Miliband clearly has his heart in the right place, he still has to think about all those aspirational  scrotes in Southern England, the types who wanked over Thatcher and then drooled for Blair. They cannot be ignored in England, but in Scotland they do not exist, so I can well understand the people who move north to be in a country that reminds them of what England once was before it all went pear-shaped.

Let's hope that a miracle occurs and we can wake up on the 19th September and know that we now live in that part of North Britain that is free of Tory rabble and the  arsewipes who support them.

Sunday Sport Spurt Guide

Standards are slipping at the Sunday Sport which led to editor Nick Appleyard objecting strongly to a headline which read: "MAN LOSES B*LLOCKS BUT DOCS SAVE HIS BELL-END!" To quote from the all-departments e-mail that went out: "Bollocks is NOT censored, even in headlines, and who the hell puts a hyphen in bellend?"

Just to make sure that the Spurt never lets the organ's standards slip again, the following style guide was helpfully enclosed:

SHIT: Full out in copy and in headlines

FUCK: F**k in copy and in headlines

CUNT: C**t in copy and headlines

WANK: Full out in copy, w**k in headlines

TWAT: Full out in copy, tw*t in headlines

COCK: Full out in copy and in headlines

BOLLOCKS: Full out in copy and in headlines

BELLEND: One word, full out in copy and headlines

Cheers: Popbitch

The day a pussy got her revenge

You have to laugh at the things women get up to, especially when they go all hysterical, as Dave Foster (35) can testify. Karen Gibson (33) is his now ex-girlfriend who discovered that our Dave had slipped a length to her best friend, so she through a girly wobbler and created a banner which accused the poor bloke of fingering cats. She then went to the trouble of stringing it out on a bridge over the A500, near where it joins the M6 at Crewe.

For six hours last Wednesday the banner hung over the road where it was seen by thousands of drivers. It even featured on Twitter with people trying to figure out who Dave Foster was and why he fingered cats.

Dave takes up the story: “I started to get calls on my mobile from mates who had seen the sign and were wondering why I’d taken to fingering cats. As soon as I heard about it, I knew that Karen had found out I’d shagged her mate. When I called her, she put the phone down on me. I think she was a bit upset."

Typical, isn't it? He goes to all the trouble to call the girl up and because she's feeling a bit upset she doesn't want to talk to the poor fellow. It's always about them as far as today's women are concerned.

We'll let Karen have the last word: “That bastard shagged my best friend. In my book, that’s even worse than fingering a cat. I hope the bastard gets beaten to death by cat activists, or something. The bastard.”

Yet another social worker writes - or does he?

Last week this blog was pretty much inundated with social work types, all screaming abuse at your truly for refusing to take seriously their pathetic demands that I stop treating them as parasitic, lower middle class scum. Sorry boys and girls, but that is never going to happen.

Needless to say, being complete and utter fucktards who have nothing better to do with their working lives than spend long hours reading this blog, many of them left comments on very old postings. I am not sure why they did that, but whenever anyone is dealing with a social worker it is always best to keep in mind just how utterly useless they are at everything they do, so leaving one idiotic rant on one post and then making a follow up comment on another is pretty much par for the course from a social worker.

That said, this comment which I reproduce in full below is somewhat different. It's as stupid as anything else that any of these parasites have ever written, but I have my doubts about is veracity. I will explain why in a moment, but for now the comment appeared on a very popular post from 2013 which explained that Femen is not actually a genuine feminist movement, instead it is a stooge organisation that was set up by a man who wanted his very own harem.

Hello Mr Bell. Thank you for posting my comment and thank you for your reply. Ignoring the predictably Americanised nature of your chosen terms of abuse, let me explain to you why I object to some of your postings. You seem to think it is acceptable to comment on women's physical appearance in terms of their attractiveness to you, which is classic male arrogance and sexism. Reducing a feminist political protest to an opportunity to leer lecherously at a photograph of topless women is itself crass. Having the sheer temerity to add comments about the slight variation (from an idealised, male-dictated 'norm') in the body shape of one of the protesters is rude, adolescent and unnecessary. It attempts to reassert the thousands of years of male control of women's bodies which feminism has been challenging for decades. The general tone of your postings on women is a curious combination of 'Carry On' style adolescent leering and misogynistic hatred, neither of which are appropriate in this day and age. Finally, a word about the terms you choose as insults which are, in my view, deeply revealing of the precise natuire (sic) of your mysogny (sic). The term 'pussy-whipped' conflates together the vagina and violence. Does this perhaps indicate a deep-seated fear of women in general and their vaginas in particular on your part? The suiggestion (sic) that I am 'dickless' is equal;ly (sic) interesting as dicklessnes (sic) in itself is usually an indication of femaleness. The fact that you actually believe a state of dicklessness is inferior to a state of dickedness indicates that it is noeither (sic) certain women nor certain attiutudes (sic) that offfend (sic) you but women themselves. You are clearly afraid of women and this fear translates into hatred. This is classic mysogny (sic). It may not be your fault that you are a mysogynist (sic) (as a social worker I understand that people are largely the products of their environment) but it is unbecoming to flaunt this ugly trait in public.

Yeah, I know, on the surface it is inane isn't it? Not only that, but it looks as if the dickhead who wrote it didn't even read my post properly. Remember that it was about the fact that Femen is a stooge outfit, so only an idiot could then go on to claim that the group's antics are part of serious politics. Now you might say that feminism as a whole is nothing more than a bourgeois pose that is adopted by ugly women who hate men more than they hate other women, but that is not the point, is it?  

Then we have the spelling mistakes,especially the fact that the writer cannot even spell "misogyny" correctly. Again, we take that as being normal from a social worker because we just assume that as a breed they  are semi-educated buffoons with a desire for status who use big words to make themselves feel important.

Yet, there is something wrong with this comment which leads me to believe that it is not genuine social work wank, but instead a rather engaging bit of trolling. In other words, this writer is not as stupid as he tries to pretend, being someone who sat down, presumably with a cigarette in his mouth and cup of tea steaming at his elbow, to give us some stereotypical social work spurt to amuse himself.

Why do I think that? Mainly because it is too perfect an example of how these clowns write. It is as if someone went over to a social work site and grabbed a few ideas from the genuine dickheads. Then he sat down and covered everything in one paragraph. It's a Daily Mail idea of social work, in other words, and very funny for all that.

Now, we had better just hope that this theory is correct. If it isn't, and if this is a genuine social worker, then the need to organise ourselves to pressure the political parties to stop providing employment for these sub-normals is rather more pressing that I ever imagined.