The Brexit Hour Has Come

We are now free of the European Union and for those of us who voted for this moment in 2016 and who then went on to break the habit of a lifetime by voting for the Conservatives in 2019, it is time for the celebratory gloating to begin.

Of course, if you are reading this and are also a defeated Federast then you may not find this moment a cause for much celebration.

Never mind, you win some and you lose some. The fact that you had everything going for you and still managed to fuck things up gives us more to chuckle about, but we do feel your pain:

Actually, no, we don't feel your pain at all, 'cos sad-arsed losers deserve nothing but the contempt of the victors. You had all the main parties, the CBI, the TUC, most of the media and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all - yet still, you contrived to lose in 2016.

So you put your faith in Gina Miller, never thinking that the dusky, trophy-wife of a millionaire sounding it off to the British people might just annoy the Great British people no end and make them even more determined to see Brexit through.

When Gina and the judges let you down you increased the volume of your Losers' Vote idea. Alas, the parties who ended up with a majority on the Commons could not come together sufficiently to vote for such a measure.

All they had to do was unite temporarily behind Jeremy Corbyn, and support a government headed by him until the legislation for the Losers' Vote had been passed, but even that was too much for this collection of sad-arsed clowns.

So, eventually, without any rioting or even demonstrations, we got our General Election and we, the Brexiteers, united behind the Tories and we gave Boris Johnson an 80 seat majority. The Federasts voted for all and sundry which was further proof that they are as thick as two short planks:

 All of which led to this glorious moment. I really would like to thank the defeated for their hubris, which more than anything else gave us our victory.

Titania McGrath is Brought to Life at the Edinburgh Fringe 2019

Titania McGrath was created by the satirist Andrew Doyle as a series of tweets, which then grew into a book and has now been brought to life on the stage by Alice Marshall. If you hurry you can see it as I did last night as it runs up to and including Sunday. Tickets cost just over a tenner, which as Titania says is only the price of a decent flat latte.

So who is Titania McGrath? Well, she is everything that normal people hate, but according to her, she is a typical Kensington girl, with a modest trust find and a burning desire for social justice. In other words, she is a parasite who wants to make the lives of the rest of as difficult as possible. The Titania's of the country have been riding the cultural wave for several decades now and as anyone who has ever read the Guardian will know, the Brexit vote has created terror in their ranks as they contemplate what the plebs who outnumber them could do if they set their minds to it. 

Andrew Doyle's creation is the start of the process that will hopefully end with the real-life woke warriors back in their boxes having learned the meaning of the word defeat. We have a long way to go yet, but the book and now the one-woman performance can be said to mark the start of that process.

How good is the play? Well, it is good, but it still needs a script that has been tightened up some more, since it tends to wander from one thing to another until it ended up as a mixture of stand up comedy with some vignettes added. I liked the running joke about Titania's plans to set up a new political party called Shame UK, and it might have been a good idea to make the whole 45-minute performance the introduction of the new party. 

That said, when you look at the way that the Federasts are behaving both inside and outside the Commons, you might argue that it is impossible to parody the parody of British life that they have already created. That is doubly so when you consider that some of them blame Dad's Army for Brexit and others hold that air-conditioning is inherently sexist. Only then can you consider just how difficult it is to parody people who are so lacking in self-awareness that they do not realise how risible they are to normal people.

I was also dubious about interspersing Titiana's execrable poetry into the play, but that might just be me: I tend to the view that poetry by its very nature is pretty bloody execrable.

The Edinburgh fringe is the place where new works get their first outing before the changes are made that lead to their successful transfer to the London stage and given what I saw last night, this one should be odds-on the make the transfer very soon. Especially if the producers keep Alice Marshall in the title role.

She really did bring the character to life, and everything about her performance reeked of the privilege that the metropolitan woke generation regard as their right to impose on the rest of us. Sadly, the audience lacked a few members of the pure at heart who can be expected to make a loud exit half-way through a performance such as this and provide easy laughs for the rest of us. I believe that on other nights there have been such disruptions and that Alice Marshall is now pretty adept at making sure that they exit the theatre with their tails between their legs which is the way it should be. Alas, none of them was in the almost full house yesterday.

At the end of the play, I asked her to sign my copy of Woke, which she did. She was also, I thought, pleased that I called her Miss Marshall and not Miss McGrath, which leads me to wonder if some people do not believe that the actress really is the character. If they do, then I think she should take that as a complement to her theatrical presence, as she really did allow Titania McGrath to shine, in all her loathsome splendour.  

Titania McGrath is on at the Pleasence Courtyard, Edinburgh, up to and including Sunday, 25 August.

How to Play With the Federast Mind at the Edinburgh Fringe

The federast mind is truly a joy to behold and then laugh at. The other day I was glugging a pint or three outside a pub on Edinburgh's Royal Mile when three couples arrived and began to look at the list of beers that were on a board by the door.

"I don't know what 80/- means," said one girl who made up for her lack of knowledge with large breasts.

"The forward slash is the symbol for shillings I told her," being the decent soul that I am.

"Why is it called that?"

"Well, 'cos that was the tax paid on a barrel of the stuff back in the day," I replied. "Although these days it costs more than 80 bob for a pint of it," I concluded, ever willing to be helpful.

"What exactly is a shilling?" 

"It's a twentieth of a pound, back when we had real money."

"Oh."

"Better start to get used to it, as after we leave the EU all that is coming back," I said. I think the Devil was inspiring me.

"Noooo! You cannot be serious! You're joking, aren't you?

"I'm dead serious, first we get Fahrenheit back, then imperial weights and measures and then pounds. shillings and pence," I said, with my best poker face. 

"I've never heard that," said one of the blokes, in that languid drawl that the English middle class has which makes the rest of us feel murderous.

"You can trust me, I said, pointing to my Brexit T-shirt. "I'm part of the Brexit team that's working on it."

I was expecting them to burst out laughing at this, congratulate me on being a fine wag and then buy me a pint, or at least join me at the table so I could continue getting an eyeful of the girl with the bouncers but they just started looking at one another before drifting away from both the pub and me.

So, if you read in the Guardian that the Brexiteers are planning to restore the old British currency, you will know that the tale started from wicked old Uncle Ken who made it up one day in Edinburgh during the Festival.

Post-Brexit Food Supplies: Why You Should Stop Worrying

I hate the silly season these days, I really do. The dog days when Parliament is in recess so hacks do not get easily digested stories to regurgitate and have to invent stuff used to be fun, but now it has become tiresome. The main reason for this tiresomeness is the nonsense that the EU will blockade the UK and try to starve us into submission. If you think about it, this is not just tiresome, it is wank of the highest order.

A blockade of Britain such as the Federasts fantasise over is one step away from a declaration of war. For that reason alone, the EU is highly unlikely to even consider such a move. Wars have begun over less as one side tries to pressure the other and the end result is a lot of dead people. The USA tried to pressure Japan into withdrawing from Manchuria in 1941 by cutting off Japan's supplies of iron and oil. The Americans wanted Japan to back down but what they got instead was Pearl Harbour. No, the EU may be many things, but it is is not as stupid as to do that.

Another reason why a blockade is pretty much out of the question is that it would hurt an awful lot of peasant-type farmers in places like Spain who would see their major market suddenly drying up. They may very well be peasants but even peasants have votes these days so do you really believe that all those voters would just shrug their shoulders at the thought of seeing their own families go hungry and their farms declared bankrupt, just to please the EU hierarchy? 

So, exports to Britain from the EU will continue, but the problem is that the EU is quite likely to make life difficult for British exports to them. In theory, we could end up with chaos at out ports because exporters' trucks are jamming up the facilities and imports cannot get through. That is not the fault of the EU if it happens, and the blame can be placed on our government.

Given such a crisis, exporters will have to be prohibited from approaching the port unless all their paperwork is in order before they leave home. If that is done then, as the blogger Richard North pointed out, the posts should remain open for imports and supplies will get through speedily. Given that this is the same Richard North whose alarmist posts on the possibility of imports not arriving probably helped encourage the press to start their fearmongering campaign, it is good to read common sense like this from him.

Leading from all this, British farmers who export to the EU will probably dump their produce on the home market, especially if the government pays them a subsidy to encourage them, so many food items can be expected to fall in price and that is even before we start receiving supplies from the wider world. 

The only problem we have is do we trust this government not to cock-it all up? Can they be trusted to ensure that exporters do not panic and block the ports, for instance?

The question was rhetorical because of course, we can't. This government is a shower and there could be a short period when supplies do get disrupted because the shower has reverted to type and failed in its duties. For that reason, as I recomended in A Sensible Prepping Guide, it is the responsibility of all sensible people to keep a small stock of non-perishable food in the pantry to tide a family over if there are short-term disruptions to supplies for any reason.

What that means is do not wait until March next year and then panic-buy. Start now and add a few extra items to your weekly shop and you will have your supplies ready and waiting for whatever problems do occur. If nothing happens, which I still feel is the likeliest outcome, then you can rotate them though as part of your normal family meals, but do continue to keep your larder well stocked.

You never know when we might have another vile winter when you will need that pantry, and weather concerns me more than fearmongering from the press over Brexit.

On the Second Anniversary of Our Brexit Victory, the Federasts Still Whine Impotently

Anything up to 50,000 white, middle-class people turned up in central London today to have a walk in the sun in the hope that someone, anyone, would listen to their plaintive calls for yet another Brexit referendum.

Nobody will listen to them, partly because the rest of us are too busy watching the World Cup, but mainly because this shower of whiners just doesn't threaten anyone. The Poll Tax riots in 1990 loosened a lot of bowels, but nobody is the slightest bit interested in today's stroll by former student union types:

Another strategy would be to copy our tactics and unite behind a single party - in our case UKIP so the Lib-Dems would do for them - and then use that party to disrupt the existing party system. It didn't matter that UKIP did not win many seats, what mattered was that it stopped the two main parties from taking seats for granted by threatening to take votes of the sitting party and letting the other lot in.

Alas, the Federasts cannot do that, either, as it involves a level of organisation that is beyond them. To them, politics is what they did back in their poly days and involves nothing more than going on a march in the fond hope that exercise equals political progress. Expecting them to dedicate long decades as we did to achieve a political end is a waste of time as they are not political activists, they are merely political dilettantes.

They are also thick as pigshit, as this meme demonstrates:

If you think that Matt, a self-confessed poly-wallah was the exception then I have to tell you that he is the rule, as this fuckwit demonstrated when he fell for the same ploy:

Just what have the Federasts achieved in two long years? Aside from a few walks in the sun, always on a Saturday because types like Matt and Mark really want to overthrow the system but they have mortgages to pay and have used up all their holiday entitlement this year at whatever local government non-job they have, the answer is not a lot.

Oh, they did eventually come up with Gammon to describe us and they think that we are as insulted by that as they are when we call them Federasts. Alas for their hopes, we don't give a stuff about them, what they think or what they call us.

We are the victors and the pathetic whines of the defeated and disgraced are of interest only to give us something to mock as we head towards our Brexit.

Exactly One Year To Brexit!

It is now 11.00pm on the 29th March 2018. In exactly a year from now, we walk out of the European Union, not on the terms that we would like, and the aftermath will be pretty messy, but we will walk out.

Brexit, sadly, is not going to be an event, instead, it will be a process that has only just begun. We need to start arguing for the type of Britain that we want after March 2019, otherwise, our former allies on the political right will make all the running.

We voted for many economic things in 2016 and many of them are already starting to come true. When I wrote Brexit: For a New Country over a weekend in May 2016 I included this appeal to ordinary people:

Forget changing the law to restrict the entry of scab labour, forget rebuilding the unions that we once had or the Labour Party that we once had to speak for us.

Forget all that for the moment and concentrate on the notion that if foreign labour ceases to flood into the country, then almost by definition your wages will start to rise. If there is no longer a reserve army of unemployed and underemployed people then management scum will have to start offering decent wages to you and to people like you. They may hate you as much as you hate them, but they are not stupid and they need someone to actually do the bastard work that creates the wealth which they then skim off and enjoy. That someone could be you, with for the first time in your life, a decent bloody wage packet burning a hole in your pocket. 

Who can deny that this is now happening? Wages are rising and conditions are improving precisely because scab labourers no longer feel welcome in our country. That is why my 17-year-old son has more work than he can handle flipping burgers at a McDonald's and why he eagerly anticipates his 18th birthday in a month's time when he will get another pay rise and can then work the night shift which pays even more money. 

People like us understand that bastard fucking work is the price we pay for our money and companies like McDonald's know that they have to increase the wages to keep the workers now that Britain is a cold land for immigrants.

Those of us who are on the left, the real left, the left that believes in economic matters and has no interest in cultural ones, argued that case for years. It was one of the roots of our opposition to the whole EU experiment.  We were told that the economy would collapse after a Brexit vote, but two years later the economy, our economy that is, booms as it has not done for years.

Looking ahead, Labour needs to accept that position as dictated by us. If it wants our votes, then it must revert to its old, protectionist, state-support for industry base, otherwise, it will stay out of office no matter what Jeremy Corbyn says or thinks.

That is for the future. For the here and now, let us take a deep breath and look forward to the next year as we head inexorably towards the exit from the European Union.

Can Henry Bolton Turn UKIP around?

The above cartoon is being passed around Westminster by Tory members who may be counting their chickens far too early. It is quite possible that Henry Bolton may do a Corbyn routine and surprise everyone by defying UKIP's senior figures and putting the shambolic party into some sort of order, with the support of his party's rank and file.

Britain needs a party of protest, a role that was carried out very well indeed by the Liberal-Democrats until 2010. Then they decided that they were actually a serious party, so joined in a coalition with the Tories, voted to increase student fees, along with raising the pension age and doing over the claimants. They paid the price for that in 2015 and were given an extra dose of stuffing two years later. 

So, the political vacuum is there and UKIP could be the party to fill it. The Kippers are helped by the fact that they are now the party of hard Brexit, which gives them a very unique selling point indeed since there are a lot of people who just want to be rid of the whole EU debate. They voted to leave the EU and cannot understand why the government has not told Brussels to take its hook.

A streamlined UKIP would still not win many seats, but that is not the job of a protest party, is it? What UKIP could do is take votes off both main parties and continue to keep the political system off-balance and force both Labour and Tory to adopt a far harder line with the EU than they have hitherto been willing to do.

  Bolton has two things going for him. The first, funnily enough, is Jo Marney, his rather sexy bit of totty pictured above in all her glory who is clearly enamoured with the middle-aged, balding, former army captain. She may offend the Guardian reading wankerati, but such people are never going to vote for UKIP, anyway, so they can be ignored. 

Having access to Jo's assets gives our Henry a Trumpian type aura that offends the people who should be offended and makes millions of others chortle with delight at the randy old rogue. Just as Donald Trump is able to shrug off the howls of the people who have always hated him, not least because he gets decent talent like Stormy Daniels to lie down for him and then shows no signs of being embarrassed by his horizontal actions. Bolton can do likewise just so long as he remembers that Trump does not try to appeal to the wankier element in American society. He knows where his bedrock is to be found and he speaks only to them. Henry Bolton must do the same - and take the luscious Jo with him as a giant two-fingered salute to the British wankerati. Just so long as she is told to keep her pretty mouth shut, that is.

However, before that can happen, Bolton needs to structure UKIP professionally. He should remember that what kept the Liberals alive during the dark post-war years was the fact that they had an organisation to fall back on. The Social Democrats didn't, which is why the Liberals were able to swallow the SDP pretty much whole when it came to unifying both parties.

If Bolton can turn UKIP into more of a British army battalion, and less of a ragtag guerilla band that it is at the moment, then his battle will have been won. That means getting rid of the big swinging egos who will oppose any leader because they think that they can do a better job than him and just cannot understand why nobody else happens to agree with them. 

Nigel Farage, who is still the best asset that UKIP has, seems to be supporting Bolton in this and if Arron Banks, the money man behind UKIP when Farage led it can be brought onside, then the Banks/Farage plan to create a new hard Brexit pressure group may be put on hold to give our Henry a chance.

The next step will be the special conference that will be called to try and unseat Bolton. If he can appeal directly to the rank and file at that conference, then UKIP will be his and he can streamline and professionalise it. The party could be structured as Farage wanted to structure his pressure group into one that mimics both the Tories and New Labour. The membership will have no real control over anything, with policy being made at the national level as it is with the Tories. Focus groups would then be used to decide policy, an idea that was stolen from New Labour.

It all sounds very simple, but Nigel Farage was not able to turn UKIP's chaos into order, and neither were the two leaders who followed him, although they both tried. Henry Bolton might be more successful because so many senior figures have resigned over his affair with Jo Marney.

Britian needs a protest party and UKIP can still be it, if Henry Bolton can seize his moment.

With UKIP on the Verge of Collapse, Nigel Farage May Be Set for a Comeback

Today has been a fun day for UKIP watchers, with the party's national executive committee voting unanimously for a no-confidence motion in the leader, Henry Bolton.

How this came about is due to some texts that Jo Marney, Henry's admittedly rather delightful mistress sent which criticised Prince Harry's choice of an American bride. 

Those texts were leaked by Annabelle Fuller, the former mistress of the former leader, Nigel Farage. So the current lover of the current UKIP leader was done over by the former lover of the former leader - are you with me as far as we've come?

Jolly good! Now then, the rumour has it that Farage knew about this plot and has plans of his own to set up a UKIP Mark Two if Bolton resigns. The point is that UKIP is on its beam-end financially and cannot even afford to pay its leader a salary, so another leadership election is pretty much out of the question. Thus if UKIP does fold there will be a space on the political spectrum for a hard Brexit outfit that is not made up of anally retentive cardigan wearers who all seem to be married to women with cruel perms.

The idea would be to have a movement that is directed centrally with local associations that do as they are told, a set-up that is obviously based on the one used by the Conservatives. If it becomes popular then it may morph into a political party that would run candidates, but their selection would be kept out of the hands of the cardigan wearers.

Nigel Farage would be the president, with Arron Banks the chairman and cheque signer. Richard Tice of Leave Means Leave is also being tipped for a senior role. All in all, the idea is to have a centrally controlled organisation where the fruitcakes and loonies are expected to cheer the policies that emerge from the central committee's deliberations. Those deliberations would be aided by focus groups a la New Labour under Tony Blair.

UKIP probably should have shut up shop after the referendum victory as their reason to exist came to an end. That the debate is now between hard and soft Brexit is also clear, so the need for a pressure group that will push for the hardcore version is also pretty obvious. 

That said, given the utter chaos that is British politics today, quite where all this will end up is anyone's guess.

What Are the Chances of Another EU Referendum?

God knows what was going through Nigel Farage's mind today when he got all loose-lipped over the possibility of yet another EU referendum. It is obvious that his remarks were in the context of doing in the Federasts once and for all and leaving them whining piteously for another generation at least, but that is not the point. By coming out with those remarks he has given the impression that he supports another plebiscite, and all the clarification in the world isn't going to alter that. Remember that your average Federast is also a fantasist, so when Farage was spotted in the German consulate soon after the 2016 vote, that meant that he must be applying for German nationality. 

As I write, the sexually self-sufficient members of the polyocracy who form the Guardian's decreasing readership are wanking dementedly over the prospect of another referendum. Being thick as pigshit they have skipped over the bit about how they actually get the vote and are talking about what the rules will be, how they will campaign and what level of turnout they expect to see.

I am reminded of an old recipe for jugged hare that began: "First catch your hare," and with that in mind, let's look at the hurdles that would have to be gone through to get another referendum called.

First of all, Parliament would have to vote for it. MPs, most of whom come from divisions that voted for Brexit will have to put all that aside and vote to ignore the will of the people as freely expressed in 2016.

Now, the first two votes came about because the issue could not be resolved or even contained within the party system, so Labour in 1975 and then the Tories in 2016 handed the broad choice of remain or leave to the people. The second vote was helped along by the fact that the flanks of both major parties were in danger of being turned by UKIP.

To get to the stage of even thinking about a referendum, the governing party's internal feuding has to be such that it becomes the least worst option. I don't see that happening with the Tories being pretty much united in pushing for Brexit. Come to think of it, so are Labour, since they know that most of their seats are in the Brexit heartland. So we have a broad measure of consensus that leaving the EU is something that will happen in March 2019. That consensus has been helped by the fact that UKIP are in the doldrums, and once we are out of the EU, will probably cease to exist.

So, there is no discernable mood in Westminster for another referendum, but could the MPs be pushed into it by outside agitation?

As far as the people are concerned, outside the ranks of the Guardian-reading wankerati the EU is not a topic for debate, with some Labour MPs reporting that the only voices they hear about it are from the large numbers of their constituents who want to know why it is still being discussed and why we are not out by now.

The Federasts have tried to organise marches ever since their arses were handed to them on a plate in 2016, and even promised us an autumn of discontent last year, but if you look at the nice, middle-class people who turn out for them then you will quickly realise that such poncy types are hardly likely to put the wind up any government.

None of this is to say that we should not be prepared to swing into action if another referendum is called, and we have to keep an eye on the Federasts and oppose their wicked schemes for the rest of this year.

That said, the chances of another vote are small to miniscule so we don't need to worry too much.

Whatever Happened to the Anti-Brexit Autumn of Discontent?

Do you remember back in September 2017 when we were promised an Autumn of Discontent by the Federasts? That's right, they were going to march, demonstrate and so scare the living shit out of the government that Brexit would be reversed.

Actually, during the whole year, all they could manage was a few wanky marches that were basically competitions to see who could have the wittiest slogans on their hand-made placards.

Those displays of sexual self-sufficiency were always on Saturday 'cos, you know, they really wanted to overthrow the existing order, but they were running out of holidays for that year and they were really looking forward to going to Klosters for the skiing over Christmas.

Here in Edinburgh, I shot a video of one march as the well-dressed, well-fed marchers strolled down the street with their kids and grandkids along with them for the ride. I am sure that the Polish nannies appreciated the day off, as I said at the time.

So nothing happened, just as nothing ever happens when the middle-class are on their own.

And that is why we will leave the European Union next year! 

Now the Brexiteers Have Started the Great Beer Battle!

Here's another opportunity to stick the boot into the Federasts, get them all shouty, and give them an opportunity to tell us how clever they are before leaving them to feel like dogshit yet again. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the great beer battle!

Back in 2006, the EU insisted that the official mark of measure on a drinking glass be the "CE" symbol, rather than the Crown mark that had been there for over 300 years. Someone has started a petition to restore the Crown to our beer pots and this blog is happy to support that worthy aim.

The fun thing here is that various Federast types are now coming along and getting all shouty as they tell us that there is nothing to stop us having the Crown on our beer pots. They then tend to go on and tell us how clever they are and, well, you know the rest.

As is the case with the Federasts, they are actually very stupid or very disingenuous. I reckon the former, but never mind that, now. It is true that the Crown symbol could be on the pots, but only as a decoration, not the official mark of measure. That would remain as the CE symbol, and it is that which we wish to give the two-fingered salute to. 

Now, when we leave the EU just next year, the CE symbol would go, anyway, but there is no harm in supporting this cause as it gets the Federasts all would up and telling porkies about symbols as you can see if you scroll through the load of old wank that they are coming out with.

It's a bit like the passport row. Yes, we could have kept the dark blue passports, but they would still have to have had the words European Union above the Crown and it is that symbol of subjugation that we reject.

It's also good fun to wind the Federast fuckers up!

After the Passport Victory It's Time We Waged the Stamp War!

It is true that a commemorative set of stamps was issued in 1973 when we entered the old EEC, the forerunner to the EU that we are going to leave next year. Here they are if you can't remember what they looked like:

It is also true that a certain Miss Margot James MP, the Business Minister responsible for philatelic matters has announced that a commemorative set to celebrate our Brexit would be "divisive," and is therefore not on the cards.

Genial old Uncle Ken thinks that this provides us with a perfect opportunity to mobile our base, win another victory and leave our Federast enemies feeling yet again like something that the dog has puked up on the street, so let's got for it.

Britain must have commemorative stamps to celebrate our victory over the forces of bourgeois reaction and metropolitan freakery!

Symbolism is important. That was a point that I made last month when it was announced that we were getting our UK passports back starting at the end of March next year. The Federasts howled and screamed about that and went into yet another very engaging meltdown online, and the end result of all that was to remind the majority of the British people just how much the Federasts hate us.

That solidified our army and made them more determined not to enter into any negotiations with the Federasts over any idea of a soft Brexit. If you think about it, joining the European Free Frade Association would have been a perfect fallback position for the Remain side after their defeat and it was something that many Brexiteers would have gone along with. That is probably off the table, now, thanks to the stupidity of the Federasts and their strategy of demonising us as being people who are beneath them in the intelligence stakes.

So let's start the Stamp War, shall we? I know it is basically a rerun of the Passport War, but as I pointed out in my last posting on this here blog, the Federasts are the stupid ones and they probably won't realise that. Instead, they will get all worked up about how bovine we are when we talk about such trivia as stamps, and their hysterical attacks will help ensure the unity of our side as we head into the next phase of the post-Brexit era and the culture wars that are about to begin.

Let's Maximise Federast Humiliation in 2018

2017 was a good year to sip the finest liqueur that was distilled from the copious salty tears of the weeping Federasts, chilled as it was with the finest of melting snowflakes. Now let's make 2018 the year of maximum humiliation for them, as we bring them face to face with the reality that they lose because they are so stupid that they think they are clever.

One trick I love to pull is to tell them the simple honest truth about myself and my sons. It is true that Spanish is my second language. It is also true that all of my sons are native Spanish speakers, born to native Spanish-speaking mothers during the long years that I spent abroad.

Now, I don't think that there is anything to misunderstand in any of that, do you? That's 'cos we are not Federasts, so take a look at this as a case in point:

Poor Matt Westwood - once he realised that he had been made to look a right pillock he blocked me on Facebook and vanished from my sight, never to be seen again.

If you think that he is the exception, then I have to tell you that he is the Federast rule. Take this, also from Facebook, and just the other day:

Mark Roberts also did a runner once he realised that I was leading by the nose to the punchline, but it is hardly my fault that your Federast has a problem with the old reading comprehension, is it? I never said my sons were Spanish, only that they were Spanish speakers...

I also like to tell Federasts another truth, which is that I left school at 15. Actually, since the school year ends in July and my birthday is in August I was still only 14 when I stopped providing a cushy number for the teaching trade one Friday and started bastard work the following Monday, but let's not confuse the poor little snowflakes. I left school at 15, let's leave it at that.

Usually at least one thick as pigshit poly wallah, and rest assured they usually are poly wallahs, will come along at that point and tell me that the reason I voted Leave is that I am uneducated. Please consider this exchange as an example of the genre:

To this day I do not have an O-Level or A-Level to my name since I did leave school at the age of 15, but I do have a diploma from Ruskin College, Oxford, and a degree from the University of Manchester. That's the real university of Manchester, by the way, not the wanky old poly that is allowed to degrade the name university. As for the "University" of Staffordshire and places like that, it's best not to get me started...

So, as you can see, it's easy to humiliate the Federasts and when you do, don't forget to take screenshots of the exchanges so that when you get bored one dark, January day you can dig 'em out and repost them, just for jollies.

So, as we head into 2018 it's worth remembering that you never hit a man when he is down, and your Federast is certainly down right now. What you do is kick his fucking head in and leave him whimpering on the ground. 

Come on the Brexiteers: up and at 'em!

Britain Gets an Early Christmas Present With News of the New Passports

British people have been given an early Christmas present with the news that we are getting our passports back, starting in April 2019. From that month, until October of that year, the existing design will be used under the current contract, but without the words "European Union" which deface the top of the front cover. Passports already issued which have the wording on them will no longer be recognised as EU documents from 11.00pm, British time, on the 29th March 2019.

Then, in October 2019, the new passports, with a new design and navy blue cover will be issued by whichever company gets the contract for the next five years.

The old passport was blue, albeit of such a dark hue that it looked black. They were also larger than present passports and had a stiff cover. I always found them too big for my trouser pocket so had to wear a jacket to carry mine, which was a pain in the tropical heat of whichever part of Africa or Latin-America I happened to be in at that moment.

So I prefer the size of the existing passport and its soft cover, and I don't really care what colour it is. However, this is a symbol of our victory and every time some bedwetting Federast travels abroad he will look at his new passport and be reminded not only of his defeat but also of the fact that in the great scheme of things he does not count for shit.

So for that reason, the colour of the passport has to be navy blue! 

Needless to say, various scum-sucking types are now claiming that we will then have to queue up to get through passport control, having completely forgotten that most of us only travel to places like Schiphol and Charles de Gaulle to change aircraft. Thus we never leave the international section of the airport and do not go anywhere near passport control until we get to our final destination, thousands of miles beyond the EU.

They also forget that under the new system we can have a dedicated UK and Irish section at our airports to deal with our people when they return home. Thus we will not have to queue up with an army of Europeans and get home quickly. Our Commonwealth friends, plus the USA if we are feeling generous, can have their section and the people from Upper Volta, Germany, Guatemala and France can fuck off to the end of the hall to line up in the rest of the world bit.

All that, plus thousands of wanky little snowflakes melting every time they travel abroad. Seriously, people, what's not to like about any of this?

Britain to Pay £50 Billion for the Right to Continue Buying From Germany!

The rumoured decision by the British government to bung at least £50 billion to the European Union for the right to buy goods mainly from Germany reminds me that a century ago the statesmen of Europe were getting ready to travel to Versailles to end the Great War. There, the German delegation was presented with a document and told to sign on the dotted line, as you can see them doing in the above photograph.

Germany was defeated, her navy had mutinied, her army was in a state of collapse and the country was almost ungovernable. She had no choice but to agree to the terms that were dictated to her at Versailles.

The last time I checked the German army had not had a victory parade down Whitehall in 2017 and even if they had I would expect the British people to ignore that and carry on fighting. Actually, we have not been defeated in war and should not sign up to pay reparations as if we had.

Forking out a few quid to a few fairly dubious types is one thing. It is how we expect them to behave and no right-thinking man could object to further greasing a few already greasy palms, but this amount of money is less about smoothing the path to future relations and more about taking the piss.

What is the worse that Germany and her client states can do if we tell them to do their worst? 

We have a massive trade deficit with the EU and can buy the goods that the Germans currently sell us elsewhere in the world. Germany, and it is mainly Germany that we are talking about, would lose a major customer with a detrimental hit on her own economy. So if they want a trade war they can have it and they will lose. 

I might add that in that event the British should play the other cards that we have in our hand. Why should we pretend that Russia is a threat to us just to stop the Poles, Hungarians and Czechs from wetting their beds? Especially if trade with Russia increases as it diminishes with the Germans, and it is mainly Germany that we trade with since the likes of Poland are only able to supply British capitalism with little more than cheap, non-union labour. 

The threat to withdraw from NATO should do wonders for bowel movements acrosss the EU and it is not a threat that the UK should fear using. As with trade, so it is with defence, and they need us more than we need them since we have the channel to protect us today as it has always done in the past.

The British government really must grow some backbone and stop pandering to Berlin and its stooges.

Why the British Government Is Failing With Its Catalonia Policy

This famous cartoon from an August 1864 edition of Punch pretty much sums up how the British government should respond to the Catalan crisis. Punch and the then Prime Minister, Lord Palmerston pass Jefferson Davis on the street, and Punch asks Pam if he recognised Davis. Palmerston, ever the politician, replies that he doesn't, but may have to one day.

The joke with its play on words works very well because it has always been British government policy not to recognise secessionist entities until the day arrives when the entity shows that it can stand on its own two feet. At that point, it is recognised and ceases to be a secessionist entity and joins the family of sovereign states. The Confederate States of America was never quite able to reach that point, although it came very close, so Britain never recognised it. 

In the case of Catalonia, the jury is still out on whether the newly proclaimed sovereign state will be able to maintain its independence, but that does not explain the rather fatuous, almost cringing statement that was put out by a Downing Street spokesman:

The UK does not and will not recognise the Unilateral Declaration of Independence made by the Catalan regional parliament. It is based on a vote that was declared illegal by the Spanish courts. We continue to want to see the rule of law upheld, the Spanish Constitution respected, and Spanish unity preserved.

All that was needed was a holding statement from the British government calling for calm and stating that HMG had no plans to recognise Catalonia, but instead, we have been treated to this drivel. The government is going to look very silly indeed if Spain does no offer any goodies as a mark of her gratitude, which she won't and why should she? London has already given Madrid everything and asked for nothing in return.

Looking silly is something that Theresa May should be used to by now, but there are two issues at stake, here, which make the statement even more incomprehensible than it would otherwise have been.

The first is that the UK does not owe Spain any favours. The issue of Gibralter is still outstanding, with Spain sending naval vessels into the waters around the Rock as an irritation to Britain. If Spain is bogged down in an internal conflict then Gibraltar is safe for another generation at least and we are not going to see a repeat of the Falklands War in 1982 when Argentina, another international joke of a country, decided to distract attention from a looming internal crisis by creating a foreign one. 

Secondly, and far more important even than Gibralter, is the fact that as part of the Brexit negotiations, it is not in Britain's interests to have a confident, united, European Union on the other side of the negotiating table. On the other hand, it is in Britain's interests to have an EU that is divided against itself, with Britain siding with one faction or another on the basis of her self-interest in getting the EU to sign up to most of what London wants.

Looking at the Eastern Marches of the EU we can see countries like Poland and Bulgaria that are totally opposed to the influx of Muslim migrants. That attitude has brought them into conflict with Germany and that is a further issue that Britain can use to her own advantage. It is not a case of supporting Poland, merely that London should be more neutral in the dispute between the outer reaches of the Empire and its central heartland.

So it is with Spain and Catalonia. By doing nothing Britain could help ensure that the crisis continues to rumble. A continuing crisis is not good for Iberia, but it might just be good for the United Kingdom.

This is all something that Britain once understood, but doesn't seem to today. Ending this piece as I began it, with the Americans in the 1860s, the British blockade runner captains, had a toast that pretty much sums up how Britain has historically behaved in times like this:

Here's to the Southern planters who grow the cotton; to the Yankees that maintain the blockade and keep up the price of cotton; and to the Limeys who buy the cotton. So, three cheers for a long continuance of the war, and success to the blockade runners!

 Theresa May and today's government would do well to remember that.

Catalonia Declares Independence: What Happens Next?

By all accounts, Barcelona and other Catalan cities are awash with the Estelada, the national flag of Catalonia, which declared herself independent of Spain today. Within an hour of that declaration being made the Spanish government announced plans to strip Catalonia of what autonomy she enjoys and send colonial administrators in to run the country at the behest of Madrid.

It is unlikely that we would have reached this crisis had the European Union not thrown its entire weight behind Spain. A more relaxed, neutral stance from Brussels might have given the Neo-Falangistas in Madrid pause for thought, but Brussels has in effect told Madrid to do as it pleases so Spain appears to be about to do just that.

One would have hoped that the British government could have adopted a more hands-off approach, but Theresa May has already pledged full support for Spain. Given that this is a European Union crisis that does not involve us, it might have been a better idea to offer no statement at all and then await events. As it is, London has given up a valuable piece in its own chess match with the EU for no return that is visible to this writer.

What happens next really depends on events on the ground in Iberia. If the Spanish do nothing then Catalonia will become independent by default. If the Spanish send their army into the country and Catalonia does not resist then the country will go back to being a region of Spain. The notion of rights does not enter into the equation: all that matters is the respective willingness of young men in Catalonia and Spain to be willing to die in the cause of one side or the other. 

Given that Spain has an army and Catalonia has to build one from scratch, the advantage is clearly with Madrid at the moment, but Catalonia does have two valuable cards to play.

The first is that one of the causes of the Spanish Civil War which broke out in 1936 was Catalonian independence, an independence that was crushed by the Spanish Republic's defeat in that war. Until 1975 the Catalonian language was suppressed, the country's Estelada flag was banned, and Catalonia was basically run as an occupied country. Post-1975 and no government was willing to make the surviving fascist rebels from 1936 pay their dues, so it is quite likely that one of the issues that motivate today's Catalonians is revenge for those past injustices. If that is the case, then Catalonia might just have a population that is willing to pay any price to achieve independence. 

Secondly, we need to ponder on the reaction of Latin-America to all this. There are rumours swirling around that Venezuela and Bolivia may recognise Catalan independence, so we need to keep an eye on developing attitudes in Caracas and La Paz. If countries do start to recognise Catalonia as an independent republic then that will encourage the country to resist Spain to the utmost of her ability.

Sadly, to reach the stage where countries with issues of their own with Spain give support to Catalonia, an awful lot of young Catalonian men will have to die first to show that the people are serious about this declaration of independence.

The Repression of Catalonia Makes Scotland Less Supportive of the European Union

The Spanish repression of Catalonia has given a boost to Brexiteers in Scotland since it is obvious that the EU has little or no interest in trying to prevent the Neo-Falangistas who currently hold power in Madrid from continuing to turn loose their goon squads. The end result of this is that supporters of Scottish independence are starting to see that the EU is actually a handicap to their aims, rather than a help. 

To be fair, it always seemed to me that Scottish support for the EU was skin deep and tactical, rather than being a deeply held ideological commitment to Brussels. The SNP used the EU during the IndyRef as an argument in favour of the notion that Scotland could leave the UK, but everything would remain the same, via the EU.

During the 2016 Brexit campaign, a lot of Scots were moved to support Brexit having seen what the EU had done to Greece, and more than a few SNP activists defied their party's leadership and campaigned for Leave. However, Catalonia is far more important to the Scottish mindset than Greece will ever be and the sympathy for that occupied country is palpable here in Scotland.

During the 2014 Scottish independence referendum campaign, Edinburgh was awash with Saltires, of course, but running a close second to the Saltire in terms of popularity was the Catalonian Estelada. On the weekend before the vote, central Edinburgh seemed to have more Esteladas than Saltires as thousands of Catalans came over to Scotland to see the country's referendum first hand and make plans for their own.

So close are the two peoples that in 2016 when the Madrid government decided to ban the Estelada from being waved by Catalan supporters of Barcelona football club, the supporters announced that they would carry Scottish Saltires instead. In the end, the Madrid Fascists decided to back down and the Catalan flag was allowed in the Madrid stadium, but the story is illustrative of the strong, warm feelings that exist between the peoples of the two small countries.

At the time of writing, we still do not know what the outcome of the crisis in Catalonia will be. However, we can be pretty sure that Scottish support for the European Union has taken a hit and the SNP is now pretty much unable to use the EU as a club that can be used to beat Westminster with.

That alone is good news for Brexit.

What Labour Should Do to Help Ensure Brexit, and Win the Next General Election

As the Labour conference ends with a party seemingly more united and optimistic than it has been in many a long year, what should Labour do about the pressing issue of Brexit?

The question was, of course, rhetorical, and Labour should do nothing at all. In fact, it should keep its collective mouth shut and leave the government to continue making mistakes. Let the Tories take us out of the European Union, which is what most Labour voters want, and suffer as much internal damage in the process as possible, which is what Labour as a party should want.

Once we are free of the EU, Labour can then put forward some policy or other at the next general election that aims at closer links with the EU. The aim here would be to keep the Metropolitan, Guardian-reading, wankerati element happy and voting Labour.  Given that politically it is impossible for Labour to ever agree to free movement, the EU can be expected to reject those overtures. For its part, Labour can tell the wankerati that at least it tried and the failure can be placed at the door of Brussels.

Before doing that, of course, Labour will have tiptoed into office over the twitching corpse of the Tory Party, and with a bit of political luck, that corpse will not be able to crawl out of its coffin for many years to come. Labour could be in power for two or even three elections, which is time enough to wrench the political centre of gravity back to 1970s levels - especially if there is no real opposition.

Jeremy Corbyn seems to be following the say nothing much line, certainly if his leader's speech to the 2017 party conference was to be believed. He told the delegates that Labour wanted "unimpeded access to the single market" which is fine as that is also what the Tories want, so there is a broad consensus there.

 Earlier in the conference he had said: “I would also say that we need to look very carefully at the terms of our trade relationship, because at the moment we are a part of the single market and that has within it restrictions on state aid and state spending and pressures on it, through the European Union, to privatise rail and other services.”

In other words, there is plenty of Brexiteering wriggle room in Corbyn's statements and it is all a far cry from what the party's Federast element want which is full membership of the single market. The devil, as always is in those details.

So long as those details remain suitably vague, Labour can remain a Brexit party with a newish membership who are too thick to realise that they are being pulled by the short and curlies towards the exit. By the time that parasitic shower of local government placeholders who now infest the local Labour branches wake up to that fact we should be out of the EU. Then, as I said earlier,  Labour can toss them a bone or two with a pledge to try and improve relations with Brussels, and by the time they discover that Brussels is not interested it will be too late to do anything about it.

The polyocracy will feel like something that a dog has spewed up, but with any luck, by then Labour should have recreated its links to the workers who produce wealth by their labours and the buffoons with their crappy little poly degrees and puerile desire for status can be safely ignored.