Tuesday 6 June 2017

Some Information for First-Time Tory Voters

His Satanic Majesty wishes to advise all first time Tory voters of the following changes to the schedule:

The free baby that you have been promised to eat will only be handed over after you have performed your abominable voting act. 

The pretty puppy dogs that you were due to get on voting day to drown will now be delivered the day after the vote.

The need to perform the osculum infame has been dropped for the 8th June 2017 only. Your cross on the paper next to a Tory candidate is proof enough of your willingness to move over to the dark side.

His Satanic Majesty feels sure that you will accept these minor changes.

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