Saturday 23 December 2017

Britain Gets an Early Christmas Present With News of the New Passports


British people have been given an early Christmas present with the news that we are getting our passports back, starting in April 2019. From that month, until October of that year, the existing design will be used under the current contract, but without the words "European Union" which deface the top of the front cover. Passports already issued which have the wording on them will no longer be recognised as EU documents from 11.00pm, British time, on the 29th March 2019.

Then, in October 2019, the new passports, with a new design and navy blue cover will be issued by whichever company gets the contract for the next five years.

The old passport was blue, albeit of such a dark hue that it looked black. They were also larger than present passports and had a stiff cover. I always found them too big for my trouser pocket so had to wear a jacket to carry mine, which was a pain in the tropical heat of whichever part of Africa or Latin-America I happened to be in at that moment.

So I prefer the size of the existing passport and its soft cover, and I don't really care what colour it is. However, this is a symbol of our victory and every time some bedwetting Federast travels abroad he will look at his new passport and be reminded not only of his defeat but also of the fact that in the great scheme of things he does not count for shit.

So for that reason, the colour of the passport has to be navy blue! 

Needless to say, various scum-sucking types are now claiming that we will then have to queue up to get through passport control, having completely forgotten that most of us only travel to places like Schiphol and Charles de Gaulle to change aircraft. Thus we never leave the international section of the airport and do not go anywhere near passport control until we get to our final destination, thousands of miles beyond the EU.

They also forget that under the new system we can have a dedicated UK and Irish section at our airports to deal with our people when they return home. Thus we will not have to queue up with an army of Europeans and get home quickly. Our Commonwealth friends, plus the USA if we are feeling generous, can have their section and the people from Upper Volta, Germany, Guatemala and France can fuck off to the end of the hall to line up in the rest of the world bit.

All that, plus thousands of wanky little snowflakes melting every time they travel abroad. Seriously, people, what's not to like about any of this?

2 comments:

  1. Good spirited stuff. Only thing I'd take issue with is the bit about "most of us only travel to places like Schiphol and Charles de Gaulle to change aircraft. Thus we never leave the international section of the airport and do not go anywhere near passport control until we get to our final destination, thousands of miles beyond the EU."

    That's certainly true of you and me, but there will always be plenty of people wanting to go and "shag their women, drink their beer" without doing the hardarse long-haul bit. Good luck to 'em, and if they dick us around at immigration we'll play them back with interest.

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  2. Howdy, and sorry for the slight delay in taking your comment. I have to have comment moderation in operation for all comments to posts that are over seven days old to stop the spammers.

    To be honest, I doubt if the people who travel to Spain or Bulgaria will have any problems since those countries are poor, backward and rely on tourists for much of their income. A bit like Mexico with the Americans - just let 'em in along with their dollars.

    As for the rest, fuck 'em. As you say we can retaliate in kind if needed.

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