Sunday, 10 September 2017

Guest Posting: The Federast Assault on the Last Night of the Proms

 Tim Collard was one of our men in Peking for many years before becoming HM Consul-General in Hamburg until his retirement. He is fluent in both German and Mandarin and now forms a part of the Oxford Union in exile which meets up every Wednesday evening in an Edinburgh swill shop to discuss matters of great weight and drink beer.

I have tried, quite sincerely, to keep my participation in Brexit debates civil and non-inflammatory. As regards yesterday's march, such demonstrations are every bit as legitimate as Labour Party rallies after our recent election defeat.

But I do regard the anti-Brexit manifestations at the Last Night of the Proms as fair game. Wave your frigging twelve-star flags somewhere else. (Why doesn't someone start a fashion for cutting out one of the stars as a symbol of Brexit? If I get my hands on an EU flag I certainly will.) 

And some of the crap they talk! From the BBC: "A spokesman for EU Flags Proms Team told The Telegraph: 'During the Age of Enlightenment, Mozart, Handel and Bach all lived and worked for part of their lives in London. Presumably, under the Brexit dark ages, they would not be welcome.'"

Strangely enough, the Treaty of Rome was not in force during the eighteenth century. And that Enlightenment century began with the War of the Spanish Succession, proceeded via the Wars of Jenkins' Ear and the Austrian Succession to the Seven Years' War, throughout much of which, especially the last, Britain sat back rubbing its hands while grabbing colonies left, right and centre. The century ended with the French Revolutionary Wars and the emergence of Napoleon. Meanwhile, Bach, Handel and Mozart were able to sit happily in London doing their thang with no interference from either British immigration or Greater Luxembourg. Sure, they tended not to provoke the natives by whingeing about the right of free movement - they just exercised it.

Out of respect for my many friends who disagree rationally with me on Brexit, I try to refrain from using words like "Remoaners", but it's a bit of a tough call sometimes.

For the record, the Guardian is now having the vapours over the whole idea of the Promenade Concerts, especially the last night. Also for the record, Tim should know that we do not call these scumsuckers "Remoaners," we call them "Federasts."

Saturday, 9 September 2017

The Federast March in London Greeted With Indifference

The Federasts had a march in London today and as you can see from this placard, they wanted us to know how diverse they all are.

Except there is nothing diverse about these sexually self-sufficient wallys. What happened today was that a few well-fed, well-clothed, well-paid, White Middle-Class North Londoners went for a stroll. 

There were no counter demonstrations organised, the police were not put on full, thuggish alert as they were during the Poll Tax riots or the miners' strike.

There was no need for any of that as these tossers pose no threat to anyone. On Monday Jeremy will go back to his non-job and Jemima will take the little scrotes to their nurseries before popping off to have lunch with her chums.

As even the Guardian had to admit, this shower was "a largely white, often self-admittedly middle class one" and as such it can be ignored by the bulk of the British people.

Which is as it should be.

Thursday, 31 August 2017

How Britain Disgraced Herself When Princess Diana Died

Mexico is six hours behind the UK and pretty much exactly twenty years ago to this very minute I was sitting at a table outside a Veracruz coffee shop drinking cafe con leche and preparing to drive the 300 miles home to Mexico City. My wife bought a copy of el Dictamen, the local newspaper from one of the urchins who hawk in on the street, and the only child I had at the time was three years old and tucking into a plate of chips which he had liberally sprinkled with sugar. I suspect the wife bought the paper to avoid having to watch him munch sugared chips. 

I remember that I had just lit a cigarette when the wife told me that Princess Diana was dead. I grabbed the paper and there was the news agency report, from AP if memory serves me right, reprinted seemingly verbatim in the paper on one of the inside pages. It was an important story, but not so important that el Dictamen felt the need to rejig the front page. Much easier, you can almost hear the editor thinking, to drop something from the foreign news section and then slot the Diana story in to save everyone a lot of trouble.

We drove home and the following day I switched on the TV and tuned into what is today called BBC World, but which back then was the far better sounding BBC World Service Television. Why did I not drive like a bat out of Hell to get home quickly to get the latest updates? For the simple reason that I did not regard it as a very important story. Diana was the ex-wife of the Prince of Wales and had no constitutional role to play in British affairs. Her death was sad for her family, but no concern of the people at large, at least that was my view.

How wrong I was! Over the next few days, I was stunned to see on my TV screen the way in which the people of Britain seemed to be turning the death of that not very bright youngish woman into a Mexican-style soap opera, complete with emoting and lots of wailing.

It must have been worse for the people in London as a friend who lives in Putney reported that the heavy, pungent odour of millions of flowers hung over the city as people seemed to be competing with one another to show how much they cared about a woman that they had never met and never would have done even had she lived.

In those days the British embassy had a club for British and Commonwealth people and the next time I was in there the conversation was dominated by the way in which British people were letting the side down by behaving like a bunch of hysterical natives. 

I do not recall many people from the British diaspora in Mexico going along to the embassy to sign the book of condolences that someone decided had better be put out eventually. Three years later when HM Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother died we all dutifully trooped along to put our signatures down in the book and then went to a bar to raise a loyal toast to her memory, but Diana? I am sorry, but who cared, really?

It is hard to say why the nation decided to go in for such an embarrassing display of national breast-beating, but it did and as someone remarked to me that is what mob-hysteria looks like and it isn't a pretty sight.

Let us hope that we never see it again.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

EU Free Movement for the British Is a Federast Fantasy

The EU referendum was well over a year ago and still the defeated Federasts trot out the same pathetic whines as they did the day after their defeat. Time for the gloating Brexiteers to give the same answers as we always have, so let's start with one of the biggest and most entertaining whines, which is the one that says that by voting to leave the EU the Brexiteers have somehow deprived the poor ickle snowflakes of their chance to work abroad.

Speaking as someone who is now over sixty and who has managed to spend more than a third of those sixty-odd years abroad, I can say quite clearly that the EU does not help British people to move in any way shape or form. Quite the reverse, in fact, since most of the countries that make it up are either very poor or have a rentier system that prevents British people from taking advantage of the mythical freedom of movement.

It is unlikely that any British person would want to chance his arm in Poland, as the economy can't provide jobs for its own people, hence the numbers of Poles who have blessed Great Britain with their presence over the past couple of decades. Besides, the rentier nature of the economy means that what jobs there are available are handed out on the basis of knowing someone with the political or economic clout needed to slot a candidate into a cushy number.

Even in Germany, a country that cannot be called rentier, regulations ensure that the tasty jobs go to German nationals. For instance, a friend of mine is married to a Chinese woman who practised traditional medicine in China, having graduated in that from a Chinese university.  When that couple lived in Germany, the wife was not allowed to practice her craft because German laws have it that she had to obtain a degree in it from a German university. Here in Britain, by way of contrast, all she had to do was rent a shop and then open it for business.

This is why British people tend to avoid the EU countries, apart from Spain where the elderly go to die and look to the rest of the world, 'cos that's where the tasty numbers are to be found.

A good drinking mate of mine was deputy director of maintenance at Veracruz port. He had left school at the age of 15 to join the Royal Navy back in the 1950s. The skills he acquired stood him in good stead when he left the navy as he ended up working in West Africa and the Arabian Gulf, before fetching up in Mexico.

Obviously, the port's director was a Mexican and equally obviously he was a political appointee who knew little about the work and cared even less, but  my mate was on hand to ensure that the port ran smoothly in return for a whacking great reward that included two first class flights back to the UK every year.

If you are like me and find changing the oil in your car's engine difficult enough then a decent degree from a decent, Russell Group university should see you right. Often you will find that wealthy third worlders quite like having British people on their staff, not to do very much work - perish the thought - but so that they can boast to their cronies that they have an Oxford man or Edinburgh woman at their beck and call. Not that there is much becking or calling since you are there for prestige reasons, but I am sure that you get my drift.

Now then, given that none of this is exactly new information, why are the Federasts using Britain's withdrawal from the EU as an excuse to whinge about how it will mean that they cannot get an easy life abroad?

The answer could very well turn out to be that your average whining Federast is really nothing more than some bovine loser with a pathetic little poly degree and a puerile desire for status who really believes that one day he will leave his local-government non-job behind and wangle himself a top of the range number in the EU. As if even a third world place like Romania would take such people seriously...

In other words, they are like the bloke who plays for a Sunday League team and who tells everyone that one day he is going to turn out for Manchester United. Just as people smile at the Sunday player in the pub, so we should smile at the Federast who believes that any other country anywhere in the world is going to treat him with anything other than derision.

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Why The Brexiteers Should Love Gina Miller

I have a confession to make - I quite like Gina Miller! I know that she is the South-American trophy wife of a multi-millionaire, but she has done more for the Brexit cause than most and when the histories of these times are finally written, Gina, Bob, Eddie and the Guardian's bedwetting finest below the line commentators will all receive their due rewards as the facilitators of Brexit.

In the case of the still just about beddable Gina, I like to think that soon after we finally leave the European Union, Nigel Farage will call a press conference in the garden of his favourite pub. There he will sit, with a pint at his elbow, a tab in his right hand, and Gina Miller sat on his left knee. He will hold her steady with his arm around her waist as he bounces her up and down to make her go all giggly, and then she will confess that actually she was working for us all along.

Think about it, her supposed aim was to subvert the democratic referendum result via tame judges and a subservient Parliament.  However, do you really think that the British people would have sat idly by and allowed that to happen? On the surface, Gina Miller is everything that the average Brexieer hates, so she just had to be a double agent, put forward to subvert the Federast cause.

The sheer anger that this woman created in British hearts ensured that Parliament did not do as she supposedly wished, which is why we are now heading for the exit at full throttle. Just consider what might have happened had a more credible, user-friendly Federast come forward to fight that case, instead of Gina Miller. The coup might very well have succeeded.

Before the vote we were helped immeasurably by Eddie Izzard and Bob Geldof, to name but two. Izzard likes to present himself as the metrosexual voice of the new generation, but to most British people he is just a weird bloke who wears women's clothes. As for Geldof, he is the millionaire scruff who could afford to hire a floating gin palace to mock hard-working British fishermen who want the waters around our country back under national control.

Surely those two had to be working for Brexit all along? I mean, who could believe that ordinary people would not be anything other than revolted by their personalities and their antics?

Finally, we have the hysteria that only the Guardian's diminishing gang of below the line commentators can produce. Let me give you just one example from October 2016 when the Guardian's finest decided to launch a hatefest against the City of Sunderland. The gist of it was that Mackems are thick, wickedly waycist and deserve to be unemployed forever.

In the unlikely event that the Federasts did manage to wangle another referendum, do they really think that we will not turn it into a vote about them, by reporting all their comments over the months since June 2016? They give the impression that they don't realise just how much contempt we have for them and how great is our determination to ensure that we will see Brexit through. We will not allow the Metropolitan wankerati to win the final victory, no matter what the cost.

So, are all those people secret agents for Brexit? It is incredible to think that thousands of Guardian commentators could be mobilised to pretend that they are all bovine members of the polyocracy who are afraid that once we get rid of the Brussels' bureaucracy their local government non-jobs may be next to come under our baleful gaze.

The problem is that if Gina, Bob, Eddie and the Guardianistas really are genuine, card-carrying Federasts then they are so utterly thick that they honestly do not realise just how much their antics help the cause that they want to destroy.

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Scab Labour Is the Issue, Not Immigration

Let's be honest, the left argument against the EU is not an anti-immigration one. Rather, it's about the wholesale importation of scab labour by management to cut British wages and put us in our place, both economically and socially. That is a fact that Jeremy Corbyn made clear when he said that people will still move around after we leave the European Union. However, he then went on to say: "What there wouldn't be is the wholesale importation of underpaid workers from central Europe in order to destroy conditions, particularly in the construction industry.

Corbyn could not have made it clearer than he did with those words that Labour is once again the party that exists to keep the wages up and the management down. The Blairite interregnum is well and truly over, and by and large we have in Labour a party that at least tries to speak for us for the first time in almost a generation.

The owners of capital have always tried to keep the wages down as a matter of course, so historically they were quite happy to pay immigrants at a lower rate than native workers. However, in the past we also had strong unions and a Labour Party that answered to them, so post-war migrant workers could be signed up to union membership and a Labour government then prodded into bringing in the first Race Relations Act which made such practices illegal. Today, encouraged by the EU, we live in a world of hire and fire where management can arrange with an Eastern European gangmaster to bring an army of genuine scab labourers to Britain to keep the wages down.

I can describe them as genuine scab labourers because they come from countries which had the type of economic system that we want for ourselves. One that guaranteed full employment, a functioning health service that was free at the point of use, and two weeks holiday every year at a Black Sea resort. Most important of all was the fact that management were little more than errand boys, with the major economic decisions being taken by the government and the unions.

Sadly, because socialism was introduced courtesy of the Soviet army, it was seen as something imposed on those countries from outside, so we can fully understand why the peoples of Eastern Europe wanted the Soviet Union out of their countries. However, throwing out the socialist baby with the Soviet bathwater has never made any sense to me, nor I suspect would it to any of the British workers who now spend a lifetime doing a crap job for a crap wage for a crap employer.

It is not just about wages because the scab influx has allowed management to pick and choose workers, instead of taking what they can get and liking it. That is doubly important the further down the line you go until you reach the fairly loathsome ranks of the lower middle class, where the attitude of petty management has gone from one of minding their manners, knowing their place and keeping their mouths shut around working people, to one of insufferable insolence.

Many years ago as a young man back in the days when Ted Heath was Prime Minister I was employed as a cinema projectionist. As jobs go it was reasonably skilled, strongly unionised and came with the added bonus that not many men in those days of full employment wanted to work such unsociable hours in a tightly sealed box where temperatures reached oven levels at the end of the day.

Cinema management tended to be not very bright grammar school types with a clutch of not very good O-Levels and a seething resentment toward us. I remember one in particular who liked to talk loudly about the difference between management and workers, but funnily enough types like him were always very quiet if we had done some overtime and had a bulging wage packet that they had to put into our hot little hands. When that happened you could just sense the resentment in their little suburban minds, and oh how we mocked them to their faces. They sucked it up because they had no choice.

We had the skills, you see, and we kept the cinemas going. Managers were interchangeable suits, but the projectionists were the indispensable men without whom the cinemas did not open.

I do not know how cinemas run today, but I would bet that management can call the shots because that is the way it is with most skilled groups of workers. The EU allows management to bring in as many skilled workers as they please and the hit to wages amongst skilled workers is as high as it is amongst the unskilled. Perhaps for the first time ever, the skilled, semi-skilled and unskilled really are all in it together, which is why so many of us voted for Brexit.

So, when the Guardian reading bed-wetters accuse us of being anti immigration they have got it wrong. Our objection is not to immigrants, but to the free movement of labour. We object to the two-legged cockroaches known as management having too many options because we know that the more options they have the worse life is for us.

Friday, 21 July 2017

The Guardian's Diminishing Readership Still Loses the Plot

What follows is so funny that you might want to put your tea down before reading on...

The comment was simple, concise and to the point, and only an idiot could misread it. Luckily for the Brexit cause, the average Federast is just such an idiot as the replies to the comment will demonstrate:

You see? The Guardian's below the line bovine Federast commentators cannot even read a simple couple of sentences. They mistook the referendum vote for the much more overwhelming parliamentary one, and then responded to what they thought they had read instead of what was actually on the screen in front of them.

In vain did the original commentator try to correct their error, because they ignored his reply and carried on making tits of themselves:

They were still at it the last time I checked. Still voting up idiotic comments in reply to a post that only exists in their pathetic minds.

It may be that the average Federast has imaginary friends who live inside his head and talk to him. It could be that those voices said that something else was written in the original comment and they listened to the voices, instead of reading what was actually right there on the fucking screen in front of their noses.

A more likely explanation is that they do not have much in the way of reading comprehension. It may be that your average Federast really is a sad little fuckwit with a pathetic little poly degree and a local government non-job.

Either way, as we push forward towards the final Brexit, we can take comfort from the fact that our enemies really are so unutterably stupid that whatever they try will only end in failure for them and hilarity for us.

Update: The Guardian's Mrs Grundy has stepped in to delete the thread and save her ickle snowflakes from our mockery. Alas, it was all too late 'cos I had already grabbed the screenshots!

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Guardian Censors Debate About the EU Demand for a Bribe From Britain

The Guardian has a gloating report yesterday about the £60-odd billion or so bung that the EU wishes to extort from the UK as the price for waving them a less than fond farewell. The following comment lasted less than thirty minutes before the Guardian's Mrs Grundy deleted it. Clearly the paper doesn't want obvious parallels being drawn with other payments made by other states:

The point is that in 1919 Germany had to pay an eye-watering sum for the simple reason that she had lost the Great War. The terms were presented by the victors, who had kept alive their blockade of the German ports to ensure that hunger back home concentrated the minds of the German delegation wonderfully.

We have not lost a war and have no legal contractual obligations to the EU after the end of March 2019. Funnily enough that is the centenary anniversary of the Treaty of Versailles, which is the treaty that the Guardian does not want people to refer back to.

The Guardian's writ does not run at this here blog, so we can draw obvious conclusion that Brussels sees itself as the victor and can present any terms it wishes to the defeated British. This is a very foolish attitude to take as all it will achieve is to harden the British national trait of bloody-mindedness and lead us to tell Merkel and her gang not to try and dictate to us until after their armies have finished having their victory parade down Whitehall - and even then we are unlikely to listen.

Uncle Ken's view is that we should pay something in the interests of peace, quiet and getting the fuck out quickly. That something should be presented to the European Union as a bung that we are paying in the same way and for the same reasons that we pay similar bungs to other dodgy types in Latin-America and Eastern Europe. It is all about helping "beezness," so after the amount of the bung has been agreed, there is only one question that we need to ask:

Do they want their bung paid into in Swiss or Panamanian bank accounts, or do they prefer suitcases stuffed full of used fivers?

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

The EU Has Poisoned British Politics for Too Long

British involvement in the European Union has now poisoned politics in this country for almost half a century, and looks set to do so for many years to come. As I write, it is being reported that David Davis has claimed that Boris Johnson is a "failure" and "toxic to his own sister." Friends of Davis are saying that Philip May wants his wife to resign as Prime Minister, and allies of both Boris and Davis have threatened to kick each other in the balls on more than one occasion. Meanwhile, Philip Hammond is going round saying that he cannot remember claiming that public sector workers were overpaid, but an awful lot of his colleagues can.

Part of me is thoroughly enjoying the sight of the Tories fighting like rats in a sack over which one of them should replace Theresa May, even though they risk weakening Britain's negotiation position with Brussels. However, I then remember that Europe almost destroyed Labour in the 1970s and 80s, that Europe more than anything else led to the party splitting almost down the middle with the SDP schism helping to ensure that Labour stayed out of office from 1979 to 1997.

Europe poisons politics because it cannot be contained within the existing party system. There are just too many Federasts in both Tory and Labour ranks who are loyal to Brussels and not to Britain.

Labour Brexiteers have three glimmers of hope that put together should see us through to the other side when the European Union will be just a memory.

The first is the bloody minded nature of the British people who have shown throughout history that they will see things through, no matter what the cost. It was that bloody mindedness at Trafalgar that led the Royal Navy to send two columns of ships straight at the Franco-Spanish line with hardly any wind in their sails, until eventually they broke that line and destroyed the enemy fleet. A decade later, at Waterloo, that same bloody mindedness led a British army at Waterloo to stand with rock-like solidity on a hill and fire volley after volley of musket fire at Napoleon's advancing Old Guard until they broke and fled the field.  The Old Guard had never been defeated before. Many people believed that it was invincible, and it was until it ran up against the British infantry with their Brown Bess muskets and solid determination not to yield the field.

Say what you like about the British, we may not be the sharpest knives in the drawer, but we certainly make up for it with an almost wilful determination to see things through.

The second glimmer comes from today's Labour leadership, which is clearly determined to follow through with Brexit. Just recently, John McDonnell, the Shadow Chancellor said that he hoped that Britain can negotiate access to EU markets after Brexit. In other words, we are leaving the single market, just as Labour pledged in its election manifesto, but his words meant that Labour wants to negotiate an access deal that will cover post-Brexit trade, that's all.

That statement looks like a compromise to me, or at least a bone that has been thrown to the frightened Federast dogs that Labour has in its parliamentary ranks. Given that only fifty Labour Federasts voted for a pro-Brussels amendment to the recent Queen's Speech, that bone may be enough to keep the bulk of the Parliamentary Labour Party supporting the leader.

Finally, Jeremy Corbyn has a secret weapon at his disposal in Tony Blair, of all people. Every time Blair opens his mouth to speak on behalf of Brussels he cannot resist trying to stick the boot into Corbyn as well. Corbyn can rally support for his soft-Brexit policies just by reminding people of the forces of darkness that sit in the wings and who want to stop not just Brexit, but all of Labour's social policies as well.

It may be true that many Labour voters also voted Remain in June 2016, but Labour is able to offer many of them social policies such as free university tuition in England and Wales that other parties reject. It is quite likely that those voters will put those other Labour policies first and shrug their shoulders at Brexit - certainly that is what seems to have happened in the June 2017 General Election when Labour's manifesto made it quite clear that the party supports Brexit.

As far as Brexit is concerned, both major parties are now determined to follow this thing through and bind the suppurating wound to our body politic that our membership of the EU has created.

The question the country must ask is quite simple can the Tories put aside their civil war until around April 2019?

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

The Edinburgh Brexit Crew Reunited for the First Anniversary of our Great Victory

A good night was had by all last Friday as the group that helped win the Brexit victory met up for the first time since last year to celebrate that magnificent day. This is me, the semi-crippled old fat bastard on the left, sat with Tom, the former group organiser.

Here's the lovely Morven, sat next to her husband, Stefan. At the back the bloke with the beard is Oluf, and Otto stands to the front and on the right. I can't remember the names of the two fellas stood between Otto and Oluf, but they were nice blokes for all that and I hope they forgive me.

Here's Alan Melville, in the American football shirt. Alan is probably the last remaining Kipper in Edinburgh, but he's a great bloke for all that.

Finally, just today I bumped into Ian McGill, the owner of the Harmony Employment Agency at 142a Ferry Road, Edinburgh. As soon as he saw my Labour T-shirt he grabbed his Tory jacket and we had a photo taken. Ian is a good man, a committed Brexiteer, and unusually for a Tory, he has some human DNA in his body. Maybe it's the Scottish air, who knows, but Scottish Tories do seem rather more civilised than their feral counterparts in England.

T'was a great victory and we all have stories to tell our grandchildren: and mighty bored they will be!

Monday, 26 June 2017

Tories Admit That the Magic Money Tree Really Does Exist!

The first photo has emerged of the magic money tree which the Tories claimed didn't exist. Actually it does and it grows in Northern Ireland, which is why today several large men in bowler hats were seen pushing wheelbarrows away from Downing Street, loaded with £1 billion worth of fertiliser for it.

Let's look on the bright side, the Democratic Unionist Party may be a trifle too conservative for me, but when it comes to economic matters they are on the far left, and that's all that matters right now. So the Tories have had to drop their plans to screw pensioners by abolishing the triple-lock, keep winter fuel payments, and dump their plans to reduce care for the elderly. As someone who is looking forward to getting a whacking great pay rise when he goes on pension in 2022, all I can say is thank fuck the cry really is No Surrender!

Sunday, 25 June 2017

A Scold's Bridle From Yesterday and Today

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

This is a scold's bridle, used to keep scolding woman, or gobby birds as we now call them, quiet. Photographed in the Edinburgh Museum today.

Here is the modern equivalent. Rather more up to date in design but it serves the same purpose.

Friday, 23 June 2017

Today is the First Anniversary of Glorious Brexit

A year ago today we voted to free ourselves from the clutches of Brussels. We had been told by various scum sucking Federast types that if we voted for freedom we would be condemning Britain to another generation of right-wing Tory rule, a line that I look back on today with a head-shaking grin.

Had we lost the vote a year ago then David Cameron would still be Prime Minister and the Chancellor would still be Gideon George Osborne. Dave and Gids would still be following their policies of austerity and nothing would have changed in any way.

Instead we sent Dave off to spend more time with his millions and Gids was packed off from Downing Street to Fleet Street. We ended up with a government headed by a woman who is obviously unable to think on her feet, that promised us that it would be strong and stable, but instead is clearly weak and wobbly. Waiting in the wings is a Labour opposition that is newly invigorated and thirsting for another election to give the final kick to scummy Toryism and send them off into opposition, hopefully for another generation at least.

We did all that. We, the Brexiteers, we created the chaos that has left a government reeling from crisis to crisis, in office but not in power, and just waiting for another event to crop up that will send them spinning out of office.

Now is the time to push on against a feeble regime. Brexit is a done-deal - we are leaving the European Union in March 2019 with or without an agreement, and it is time to start talking about the type of country that we want, once we are no longer restricted by Brussels.

How many industries do we want to nationalise? How many industries do we want to recreate? If we are going to start producing finished goods in large quantities again then energy is going to be needed so are we going to reopen coal mines and rebuild coal fired power stations to provide both energy and jobs?

None of these questions would even have been asked had we not, a year ago today, ignored the arse-crawling Federasts who told us to vote to remain a province of the European Union.

Hey, if you want to relive the glory days, why not buy a copy of The Brexit Collection, from Amazon and all good bookshops? If you fancy a signed copy for your bookshelf then drop me a line. It's guaranteed to really, truly, deeply offend every Federast and Neo-Quisling who catches sight of it.

Monday, 12 June 2017

Reflections on the 2017 General Election

This Tory meme has left its creators with egg on their faces, with Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party looking more and more like a government in waiting, with Theresa May's Tories increasingly appearing as a party in office but not in power. How did we get into this ludicrous situation?

People do not like being asked to vote when it is not necessary, is the first answer to that question. Back in 1974 the Tories asked the people to decide who governs? The people, myself included, replied that it wasn't going to be a collection of clowns who asked daft questions like that and we threw them out. This month the Tories did something equally silly in calling an election that was not needed and then being surprised at the result. Put simply, we expect the government to govern so that we can get on with our lives, and Theresa May forgot that basic rule.

The other lesson of this election is that any party that tries to fuck with the baby boomers does so at its peril. The Tories tried to remove the pensions' triple lock and paid the price for that. They also came up with a reform of elderly care that led an awful lot of boomers to realise that the houses that they hoped to inherit would vanish in nursing home fees. That Dementia Tax as Labour quickly dubbed it was also a reason why many people chose not to vote Tory this time around.

We should remember that the Tory vote actually went up in this election and the just over 42 percent that they scored was a higher number than Cameron managed in both 2010 and 2015. The problem they had was that Labour's vote also rose to 40 percent, and that both main parties then took chunks out of the Liberal Democrats, UKIP and Scottish National Party's share of the seats. It looks like we are back to two-party politics in Great Britain, so 42 percent is not enough to form a government with an overall majority.

That said, if the governing party can pull itself together, then there is no reason why a reasonable government cannot emerge from this chaos that can then run the country for the next four or even five years. That is something that the bulk of the population would welcome.

To be honest, the thought of another election makes my blood run cold. The Democratic Unionist Party has thrown in its ten seats behind the Tories, and although that party is socially very conservative, when it comes to benefits, pensions and government spending it puts Labour to shame.

So long as the government concentrates on the big issue, which is Brexit, and ignores pretty much everything else, then I see no reason why this Tory government cannot survive for a full term.

All they need to do is remember that the baby boomers are not to be touched until enough of us have died off in about ten years to make that possible. Oh, and give the Ulstermen lots of money.

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Vote Labour Today

I voted today at 1.30pm to try and ensure that the strong & stable bollocks that the Tories were coming out with was consigned to history. It's probably a forlorn hope, but just image the fun you will have when you go to work tomorrow and see the look on the face of the snot-gobbling management git with his National Front haircut and cheap suit who likes to give you old buck.

Labour is offering us goodies the like of which we could only dream about under previous leaders. A defence of the triple lock on pensions, nationalisation of several industries, an end to university fees are just three that come to mind.

More importantly even than the goodies is the knowledge that  Labour under Corbyn is a party that is committed to Brexit - and probably a hard one as well. Say what you like about old Jezza, his opposition to that capitalist front goes back decades.

Yeah, I know, it is asking a lot to expect normal people to vote for a party headed by a man who is a teetotal vegetarian who has fucked Dianne Abbott, but let's put that to one side and concentrate on the goodies that are on offer.

Turnout here in Edinburgh North & Leith was very high today as people trudged through the piss-pouring rain to cast their ballots. If we can do it then so can you:

Vote Labour!

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Some Information for First-Time Tory Voters

His Satanic Majesty wishes to advise all first time Tory voters of the following changes to the schedule:

The free baby that you have been promised to eat will only be handed over after you have performed your abominable voting act. 

The pretty puppy dogs that you were due to get on voting day to drown will now be delivered the day after the vote.

The need to perform the osculum infame has been dropped for the 8th June 2017 only. Your cross on the paper next to a Tory candidate is proof enough of your willingness to move over to the dark side.

His Satanic Majesty feels sure that you will accept these minor changes.

Friday, 2 June 2017

Labour starts to climb in the polls as Tory landslide hopes fade

Any Tory reading this may very well wish to clench his arsehole before reading further to avoid embarrassing accidents:

The latest Ipsos-Mori poll out just today has the Tories on 45%, Labour on 40% and the Lib-Dems on a derisory seven. Now I know we all ignored the YouGov poll on Wednesday, 'cos one swallow does not make a girlfriend, but this is a trend that we are seeing here, folks, and we ignore them at our peril.

Women appear to be deserting the Tories in large numbers, and if the Tories lose that faithful constituency then they really are in trouble.

Finally, Mr Plod has decided the charge South Thanet Tory candidate Craig Mackinlay over his 2015 election expenses. Decided today, that is, with less than a week to go until polling day. 

All good fun!

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Labour Is Doing Well, but the Tories Should Still Win

The latest Times/YouGov poll is out and should provide a good bowel-loosening moment or two for the Tories, but I don't believe it. My reading of the situation tells me that Mother May will be returned with a decent majority next week, a view that I have held since the campaign began and which has only strengthened as I watched it unfold.

 YouGov seems to believe everything that every 18-24 year old tells them about their intention to vote. Alas, I don't, and nor do I believe that the Brexit voting areas of Northern England and the Midlands will suddenly forget the insults that were hurled at them in the months after the Brexit referendum. If Brexit is your main aim in life then a vote for the Tories is the cast-iron way to pretty much guarantee that result.

Labour is doing well, there is no question about that. Hopefully, the Tory majority will be around the fifty seat mark, which is a bloody miracle when you consider the fact that some quite serious people thought that Labour was going to self destruct during this campaign.

You can understand their point of view, because let's face it, any party that elects a leader who is a teetotal vegetarian who once fucked Dianne Abbott is going to have an electoral mountain to climb that is even more massive than Diane Abbott herself. It is a sign of Labour's growing self-confidence that it can overcome those hurdles and present itself as the alternative party of government. The Liberal-Democrat and Greenie vote has been squeezed down and hopefully will be reduced some more by next week.

So, Labour has not only overcome its leader's image problems, it has also managed to demonstrate to all and sundry that it is the only national alternative to the Tories. At the end of the day, if anyone wants the Tories out, then voting Labour is the only way to achieve that aim.

I call that a pretty good result, even though it will not be enough to give Labour a victory this time around.

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

The Latest Attack on Manchester

Manchester has been attacked again, and as in the past it must pick itself up and carry on. It is the toughest of all the northern cities and this is not the first time that her enemies have tried to weaken Britain by hitting Manchester.

On the 22nd December 1940, starting at 8.00pm and lasting until 6.00am the following day, the German airforce dropped almost 300 tons of bombs on the city and returned the next night to drop another 200 tons. Almost 700 people were killed, and the city was left devastated. The above photo was taken looking along Deansgate towards the cathedral. Last night's atrocity took place a couple of hundred yards beyond that cathedral.

The Cooperative Wholesale Society  had a film crew which made a short documentary of the attack, and which I reproduce above. Note that the city did no whinge or whine, it just got on with its collective life and worked for victory and revenge.

My mother was a conscripted munitions worker at the Avro factory which made Lancaster bombers. In 1945 those bombers paid a visit to Dresden and helped smash it to rubble, with the American bombers then visiting the ruins to bomb them into dust.

As I write, various nauseatingly trendy types are telling us to be tolerant and understanding and an army of parasitic social workers are descending on the city to hold Mancunian hands.

Nobody needed to hold the people's hands in 1940 because they were Mancunians and they know that Manchester is the greatest city in the world. All they needed then was the knowledge that our enemies would be crushed under foot, and that is all we need to hear today. An assurance from the government that our enemies will be battered into submission, no matter how long it takes. 

Over to you, Mrs May.

Monday, 22 May 2017

After Maria Gatland, Gerry McGivern Emerges as Another IRA Member the Tories Welcomed

Following right along from yesterday's re-outing of Maria Gatland as a senior local Tory, let's meet Gerry McGivern, who died at the ripe old age of 46 in Torquay, England, where he lived the final years of his life. His local Tory club were so sad to have to say goodbye to "Irish Gerry" as they called the lovable bomber and drug dealer that they lowered their club's Union Flag to half mast on the day of his funeral.

Irish Gerry, as we shall call him for the benefit of any Tories who may read this and feel fondness for their late member, was an active member of both the IRA and British Intelligence. Eventually, following the night when he broke into an old woman's house with a baseball bat, the IRA decided to drop his services, and following yet more disputes with them it seems they may have even decided to bump him off.

McGivern then coughed to his British handlers and a deal was done whereby he got the fairly light sentence of six years in prison, and the British agreed to quietly forget about the night when he helped blow a British soldier's legs off.

After his release he moved to Liverpool, and engaged in yet more lovable, roguish activity by flogging heroin to the local druggies. He served three years for that, left prison eventually and moved to Torquay where the Tories welcomed him with open arms as one of their own.

To be fair, and we must be fair even to Tories, Irish Gerry's past was only discovered after his death, so the party has a sort of get-out clause in his case.

I remember reading that book, To Take Arms: A Year in the Provisional IRA, back in the 1970s and thought at the time that there was a brittle, self-absorbed, middle class dilettante who didn't really understand street politics. It came as no surprise to learn that she has become a Tory since it is the natural home of people of her class.

What did surprise me was the way in which the Tories kept her in their fold after she was outed as a senior IRA member in 2008. First they went through the motions of suspending her in December 2008, then she was welcomed back into the fold just a month later in January 2009, and allowed to remain a Tory councillor, whereupon the voters of her leafy ward continued to return her to office at every election right up to the present day.

On one level you can understand why the Tories did that, as Gatland is genuinely one of them. In 2010, Gatland was reported as telling people how excited she was to attend a council meeting where a vote was taken that cost sixty local people their jobs.

Obviously not as excited as she was in her miniskirted heyday when she was plotting with the IRA to blow people up, but she was a fairly decent looker in those days so you can understand how she rose to near the top of the organisation via her willingness to be bedded by its then leader, so excitement came thick and fast. Today she appears as a tired old boot, so getting worked up about putting people on the cobbles is probably about the best she can hope for.

So, we have an ex-IRA man who went drinking with Tories in Torquay, and when he died, they lowered our country's flag in his honour. We also have a former IRA woman who became a Tory councillor and was allowed to remain one even when her past became known.  

That the Tories have the brass neck to condemn Jeremy Corbyn for talking to Sinn Fein back in the day and trying to make peace in Northern Ireland just makes their hypocrisy all the more risible

Please remember that when you cast your vote on the 8th June 2017.

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Forget Corbyn and Sinn Fein: Meet the Senior Tory Who Was in the IRA

As the Tories attack Jeremy Corbyn for trying to negotiate with Sinn Fein, the IRA's political front back in the 1970s, it is time to remember that they have elected members in their party who were once senior figures in the IRA itself.

Meet Councillor Maria Gatland, who sits on Croyden Council. Under her maiden name of Maria McGuire she travelled to Amsterdam in 1971 to try and buy a shipment of arms from the Czechs to be used against British soldiers. The operation failed, but since Maria was by then polishing the knob of senior IRA man David O'Connell who went with her on the failed trip, he at least got to come home with his balls nicely empty and a big grin on his Fenian face.

Remember: Corbyn tried to make peace in Northern Ireland and the Tories welcome people in their ranks who tried to help the slaughter continue!

Now click here to read about another ex-IRA man that the Tories loved to have in their ranks!

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Pippa Middleton is Still Best Viewed From Behind

Reporting on Pippa Middleton's wedding to some bloke, the Guardian had this to say about her dress: "The upstanding lace collar is rather fashion-forward, and the heart-shaped keyhole detail at the nape of the neck makes the dress interesting when seen from behind." I cannot believe that the Guardian did not know what it was doing with that sentence, for do we not all, in a very real sense find the new Mrs James Matthews best viewed from behind?

Who can forget that glorious day in May 2011 when, lacking anything else to do, the nation switched on its TV sets to watch a royal wedding and found  a porn video was being broadcast instead?

The fappening was certainly happening that day, we can be sure, as this poor sod found out to his cost when his girlfriend decided to make her displeasure known:

All good fun!

Labour's Trust Problem

There are a lot of us who agree with this meme which is currently going the rounds like a steam powered ferret. Looking at the polls it is obvious that Labour has a floor to its vote of around thirty percent which nothing the Tories or anyone else can do will shift. The Lib-Dem and even the Green vote is being eaten into by Labour, as people realise that a vote for anything but Labour is actually a vote for the Tories.

Labour's manifesto is a dream document for many of us, with poll after poll showing that these are policies that clear majorities of the population agree with. Yet Labour cannot get much above its thirty percent floor, so what's going on?

Choosing a government is not the same as going to the Tesco website and selecting next week's groceries. The bulk of the population want to cast their votes every few years and then forget about politics until the next time rolls around. To do that they choose a party that they by and large agree with, that has an image that they like, and then they vote for it. Most people have little idea about the minutia of policy and expect that their party will more or less put forward policies that they approve of.

Image matters, so Labour gets a free ride on the NHS and benefits, with people assuming that the party will defend both. The Tories get their freebies from the economy, national defence and lower taxes. That was why they were able to get away with failing to reduce the deficit under Cameron, why John Major was able to privatise the army barracks and close down the military hospitals and why Thatcher got away with doubling VAT. People assume that even when the Tories do crappy things to the military or over the economy, they are still better than the alternative in those areas.

The best that Labour can do under present circumstances is to pick holes in Tory economic policies, and point out the fact that Labour's policies are far better costed and rely less on blind faith. Then hope that enough blokes in Walsall and enough birds in Nuneaton decide that, on balance, they will vote Labour next month.

It won't win Labour the election, that is out of the question, but if Labour can reach the near mid-thirty percent of votes cast then it is a base to stand on for the future.

Monday, 15 May 2017

Guest Posting: The Wankery that is Intersectioanality


 Tim Collard was one of our men in Peking for many years before becoming HM Consul-General in Hamburg until his retirement. He is fluent in both German and Mandarin and now forms a part of the Oxford Union in exile which meets up every Wednesday evening in an Edinburgh swill shop to discuss matters of great weight and drink beer.

If you have never heard of intersectionality, don't worry because most normal people haven't either. In a nutshell, intersectionality is the latest wanky idea from people who are supposedly several times discriminated against because of who they are. So a Black, disabled woman can claim to be triply discriminated against and thus triply able to pontificate to the rest of us. Now you know...

Just a brief point about ‘intersectionality’. Apart, of course from the obvious truth that anyone using the word seriously deserves to have their mental competence assessed at below zero, and, if in an academic institution, to be carried out of it by people in white coats and placed in a different sort of institution. 

Pain leads nowhere. Most of us have experienced it, either in mental form, in physical form or in the form of oppression. It’s horrible. But it hasn’t got much to teach us, except that it isn’t nice. It doesn’t give you any insights. It entitles you to sympathy and compassion, which includes being listened to. But it doesn’t make any of your perceptions objectively more valid than anyone else’s. 

But, if the perceptions of people who have suffered the pain of oppression merit a sympathetic hearing and practical compassion, that doesn’t mean they are any more deserving of objective respect as views. Abraham Lincoln argued cogently along these lines on the subject of slavery, which he nonetheless fought and died to defeat. 

I am opposed to the death penalty. But, you might ask, might I not take a different view if one of my loved ones were horribly murdered? Yes, of course it would. I’d like to see the bastard boiled in oil. But I would be the very last person whose view should be solicited on such an occasion. Please, please don’t ask me.

But, if the views of those who have suffered direct injustice should not be taken as a guide to the formulation of policy, how much importance should be attached to the views of those who can only say that they belong to the same gender, or to the same nationality, or to the same ethnic group, as someone who has suffered oppression? Easy answer. None whatsoever. Zilch. Nada. Sweet zip dangdoodley zeroesville Idaho (h/t tip Stephen Fry). And, as you people have no real skin in the game, it never seems to occur to you that pretending to support feminism or LGBT rights on the one hand and the rights of Islamic societies to enforce their rules on the other is just fucking ridiculous. But why should it? You’re just bloviating and trying to keep in with the crowd. 

And so I come to my peroration, in the tradition of the late Marcus Tullius Cicero. ‘Intersectionalists’, just fuck off, fuck off some more, and when you’ve fucked off as far as you can fuck, then keep on fucking off until there isn’t any more off to fuck. By then you have probably reached the outer walls of the universe, so just fuck off that wee bit more.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Uncle Ken Defends Labour on BBC Radio 5 Live

The BBC Radio 5 Live interview went reasonably well, and I asked a BBC fellow who was standing around to take the above photo. Sitting on the right is the luscious blonde interviewer, whose name escapes me at the moment. On her right is the Tory voter, in front of him is the Liberal-Democrat man and the woman next to him spoke for the SNP. The fat bastard next to her is yours truly, who actually looks sleek and slender compared to about half the men in Scotland.

Mrs SNP made the point several times that she is not actually a member of the party, however she turned up with her notebook that I noticed was chock full of discussion points and sound bytes. She mentioned before the interview started that she was involved with Women for Independence, which is an SNP front, so she's not a party member, but she is a wholly owned subsidiary.

We introduced ourselves and then Miss Luscious-Blonde interviewed Alex Salmond who was in Aberdeen. Speaking to him is a bit like wrestling a greased pig, which was why broad grins were seen on the faces of the three non-SNP interviewees.

Salmond finished dancing around the interviewer, we went to the news, and then we were supposed to be up. However, two journalists had been put in at the last minute so they took twenty minutes out of our time slot.

Eventually we were on and I had already decided that defending Labour was a waste of time, but trying to pull holes in the SNP wasn't - so I hit the Nats with both barrels. Nothing personal, folks, but you have fucked around with my disability benefit and reneged on your promise to raise tax on the rich to 50p in the pound.

I managed to forget the reason why I had agreed to go on the show, which was to plug my books, but what the Hell, I enjoyed the morning.

When it was all over Mrs SNP scampered off, and I suggested a pint or three to the two fellows. Amazingly enough, in a country that floats on a sea of beer they both made their excuses and left. Feeling thoroughly embarrassed on behalf of Scottish manhood, I as a Mancunian who has only lived here for a few years, sloped off to a pub to lift a jar on behalf of the men of a whole country.

Don't thank me: I was only doing my duty.

You can hear the whole show at this link. Click on the 10 May show, then jump forward to the 50 minute mark if you just want to hear the ten minute segment that I was involved with.

Uncle Ken Goes on the Wireless Today at 10.00am.

Tune in to Radio 5 Live this morning at 10.00am if you fancy listening to my dulcet tones. There will be a round table discussion involving four Edinburgh voters who are all pledged to vote for one of the four main parties.

As I understand it, we will each be asked a few questions, then we go over to an interview with Alex Salmond, followed by the round table discussion about him, his party, and whatever else comes up.

All this takes place in the Elephant House, an upmarket coffee shop and eatery where J.K. Rowling is supposed to have written some or all of the first Harry Potter novel. Coffee comes courtesy of Auntie Beeb, so I suppose we should be grateful for that.

I hope to plug my books and this blog. The only problem I have is finding something positive to say about today's Labour Party. Wish me luck.

Sunday, 7 May 2017

The Joys of Betting on the General Election

To the bookies this morning to place some bets on the General Election, or at least to try to place them.

My first port of call was Coral who are offering odds of 8/1 for Labour to get between 200 and 249 seats. I figured that was worth a fiver of my money, but the clerk behind the counter just stared at me blankly, looked at his screen, then announced after pressing a few buttons and scrolling through a few screens, that he couldn't find a horse named General Election, and could I remember which racecourse it was at?

Having patiently explained that little problem he then tried to call his head office to confirm the odds, but couldn't get the phone to work, in spite of banging the receiver on the counter several times. I told him not to worry, and that I would call back the following day.

I crossed the street and went into a William Hill's as they are offering bets on individual constituencies. It took a few minutes to explain this to the clerk, but he got the idea eventually and agreed to call his main office to confirm the odds. Eventually I was able to place a fiver each on:

Tories to take Sheffield Hallam at 10/1. Yeah, I know, it's a long shot, but it's a prayer that Nick Clegg just gets left with his arse hanging out the window, and the Tories are the only ones who can do it.

Tories to take Westmorland and Lonsdale, an 8/1 long shot, but with rather more possibility to it than the first one. Tim Farron is the MP and for a party leader to lose his seat is pretty much unprecedented. That said, the Tories are spending a lot of money on the seat, it is in a Brexit area, so if there is going to be an upset it could happen there.

Labour to hold Burnley at 7/4. The Lib-Dems are the favourites for this seat, which strikes me as crazy. Burnley is in the Brexit heartland, and Labour are now a Brexit party. More importantly, sources in UKIP tell me that having won a county council seat last week, they feel confident that Burnley will be the seat where they can do rather better than just save their deposit. They also have money to spend in Burnley and a pretty active membership. All that together should prevent the Tories from coming through the middle, so Labour looks like a good bet for Burnley.

So I managed to place most of my bets, but I am left wondering that if bookies' clerks have to have a General Election explained to them, just how disengaged people are in this most crucial election?
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