Tuesday, 21 August 2018

Santa Muerte


Interest in the Santa Muerte has finally taken off in the UK and I have a small stock of Santa Muerte items that will allow you to create an altar to the Dark Goddess in your home. As far as I am aware I am the only seller of Santa Muerte merchandise in the UK and I have no idea when new supplies will arrive.

The Secrets of the Santa Muerte



This book gives a brief history of the Dark Goddess, before telling the readers everything they need to know about the spells and incantations that are used by her adherents. This is a must-have book for anyone who wishes to enter into the service of the Dark Lady of the Shadows and receive the benefits that she bestows upon her followers.

Available from Amazon and all good bookshops, a signed copy of The Secrets of the Santa Muerte can be yours for just £10.00 plus P&P. Just drop me a line and let me know if you want a special dedication to someone and then wait for the postman to deliver your exclusively signed copy.

Statuettes



These 5" statues are perfect for a small altar in a tiny flat, and since they are moulded in one piece they are virtually unbreakable. Black is the traditional colour of the Santa Muerte but as you can see, I also have the rainbow statuettes as well.


Each and very statuette, no matter what size has been charged with sacred seeds in its base and then blessed with the secret words of power by a Santa Muerte adept as part of the production process in the Mexican artisan workshops.


The 5" statuettes sell for just £15.00, plus P&P.


I have a small stock of 7" black statuettes that show the Dark Goddess with a scythe. They are made from the same acrylic as the small statuettes but are hollow inside and so weigh less.

The 7" statuettes sell for £20.00 plus P&P.


Finally, certainly as far as statuettes are concerned, I present the 9" rainbow beauty of which I only have a couple available.

These statuettes sell for £25.00 plus P&P.

Double-Sided Amulets



A double-sided cloth amulet showing the Santa Muerte in black on one side and red on the other would be perfect as part of your altar rituals. The amulets are 4" long and 3" wide and are rare, even in Mexico. They are made in small sewing shops by female adepts and blessed by them before being offered for sale.

The amulets sell for £10.00 plus P&P

Conjuration Cards



Conjuration cards are very common in Santa Muerte worship with the large 4" x 3" ones often to be found on an altar. The reverse of each card contains a prayer or spell in Spanish.

Four large conjuration cards are priced at just £5.00


Small 3" x 2" cards are often carried in the wallet or purse and each one comes in its own plastic wallet. 


The set of 12 cards costs £10.00 plus P&P.

Incense



Incense is used a lot in Mexican rutuals with most people using standard church incense. However, specially blessed Santa Muerte incense sticks are available and I have a small stock of them here in the UK. Each pack contains 20 sticks and they are used for special rituals such as love, domination, attraction etc. Please drop me a line and I will tell you what I have in stock on the day as my supplies of incense are running low.

A pack of 20 incense sticks sells for £5.00 plus P&P.

Postage and Packing:

The book on its own, an amulet or the conjuration cards can be sent for £2.50 P&P. I could probably get the book and the cards into one envelope for that price, but if you wanted all three the price would be £5.00 for  a large letter.

Anything else needs to go as a parcel at a cost of £10.00. However, for that price I could get pretty much everything into one box and it would be sent to be signed for at your end, so there is no danger of it getting lost in transit.

How to order:

Drop me an email with your wishlist and I will let you know if the items are available. Alternatively, you can call or text me on my dedicated Santa Muerte number which is 073 9636 1103.

Your payment can then be made via PayPal - ask me for the email address - and your items will be in the post as soon as possible. Remember: all parcels will be sent via registered post so you will get a tracking number and have to sign for the delivery.

¡Asi Sea!

Sunday, 19 August 2018

How to Play With the Federast Mind at the Edinburgh Fringe


The federast mind is truly a joy to behold and then laugh at. The other day I was glugging a pint or three outside a pub on Edinburgh's Royal Mile when three couples arrived and began to look at the list of beers that were on a board by the door.

"I don't know what 80/- means," said one girl who made up for her lack of knowledge with large breasts.

"The forward slash is the symbol for shillings I told her," being the decent soul that I am.

"Why is it called that?"

"Well, 'cos that was the tax paid on a barrel of the stuff back in the day," I replied. "Although these days it costs more than 80 bob for a pint of it," I concluded, ever willing to be helpful.

"What exactly is a shilling?" 

"It's a twentieth of a pound, back when we had real money."

"Oh."

"Better start to get used to it, as after we leave the EU all that is coming back," I said. I think the Devil was inspiring me.

"Noooo! You cannot be serious! You're joking, aren't you?

"I'm dead serious, first we get Fahrenheit back, then imperial weights and measures and then pounds. shillings and pence," I said, with my best poker face. 

"I've never heard that," said one of the blokes, in that languid drawl that the English middle class has which makes the rest of us feel murderous.

"You can trust me, I said, pointing to my Brexit T-shirt. "I'm part of the Brexit team that's working on it."

I was expecting them to burst out laughing at this, congratulate me on being a fine wag and then buy me a pint, or at least join me at the table so I could continue getting an eyeful of the girl with the bouncers but they just started looking at one another before drifting away from both the pub and me.

So, if you read in the Guardian that the Brexiteers are planning to restore the old British currency, you will know that the tale started from wicked old Uncle Ken who made it up one day in Edinburgh during the Festival.

Thursday, 9 August 2018

Edinburgh Fringe Time Rolls Around Again


If it's August then it's Edinburgh Festival time when the English middle-class come up here to laugh at the same jokes, read the same publicity for the same shows published in the Guardian and tell each other how diverse they all are.

Yes, I know, you do see the odd Japanese or Indian tourist looking very bewildered by it all, but most ethnic types are to be found sweeping the streets or serving behind the bars. Think of South Africa in the old days, but without the legal enforcement and you will have a very good idea of what this city is like in August.


The satirists are still regurgitating their shows from two years ago, and still don't get the notion that satire is about sticking the boot into power, not pandering to the prejudices of those who already have it. I would find the idea of edgy satire far edgier and a lot more satirical if it took the piss out of the privileged Guardianistas, but nevermind. The Edinburgh Fringe would not be what it is if it did not involve thousands of people reinforcing their values to one another. 


This character gave a good impression of Donald Trump, Laughing at the real Trump's voter who are people who haven't had a pay rise in real terms for over a generation and who the real Trump is providing jobs for thanks to his protectionist policies, is something that the well-fed Fringers just love doing.


Give this fellow credit for not trying to be edgy, just entertaining. For a tip, he will knock out a one-page poem or short story for you. I heard him explain to one putative punter of about his own age that actually it was really hard because if you made a mistake you couldn't just press the non-existent backspace key and delete it. How did the world manage without personal computers? 

I reflected on that as I made my way to the pub to get the taste of a city chock full of sanctimonious, self-righteous, middle-class gits out of my mouth with a pint of beer.

Tuesday, 31 July 2018

Post-Brexit Food Supplies: Why You Should Stop Worrying


I hate the silly season these days, I really do. The dog days when Parliament is in recess so hacks do not get easily digested stories to regurgitate and have to invent stuff used to be fun, but now it has become tiresome. The main reason for this tiresomeness is the nonsense that the EU will blockade the UK and try to starve us into submission. If you think about it, this is not just tiresome, it is wank of the highest order.

A blockade of Britain such as the Federasts fantasise over is one step away from a declaration of war. For that reason alone, the EU is highly unlikely to even consider such a move. Wars have begun over less as one side tries to pressure the other and the end result is a lot of dead people. The USA tried to pressure Japan into withdrawing from Manchuria in 1941 by cutting off Japan's supplies of iron and oil. The Americans wanted Japan to back down but what they got instead was Pearl Harbour. No, the EU may be many things, but it is is not as stupid as to do that.

Another reason why a blockade is pretty much out of the question is that it would hurt an awful lot of peasant-type farmers in places like Spain who would see their major market suddenly drying up. They may very well be peasants but even peasants have votes these days so do you really believe that all those voters would just shrug their shoulders at the thought of seeing their own families go hungry and their farms declared bankrupt, just to please the EU hierarchy? 

So, exports to Britain from the EU will continue, but the problem is that the EU is quite likely to make life difficult for British exports to them. In theory, we could end up with chaos at out ports because exporters' trucks are jamming up the facilities and imports cannot get through. That is not the fault of the EU if it happens, and the blame can be placed on our government.

Given such a crisis, exporters will have to be prohibited from approaching the port unless all their paperwork is in order before they leave home. If that is done then, as the blogger Richard North pointed out, the posts should remain open for imports and supplies will get through speedily. Given that this is the same Richard North whose alarmist posts on the possibility of imports not arriving probably helped encourage the press to start their fearmongering campaign, it is good to read common sense like this from him.

Leading from all this, British farmers who export to the EU will probably dump their produce on the home market, especially if the government pays them a subsidy to encourage them, so many food items can be expected to fall in price and that is even before we start receiving supplies from the wider world. 

The only problem we have is do we trust this government not to cock-it all up? Can they be trusted to ensure that exporters do not panic and block the ports, for instance?

The question was rhetorical because of course, we can't. This government is a shower and there could be a short period when supplies do get disrupted because the shower has reverted to type and failed in its duties. For that reason, as I recomended in A Sensible Prepping Guide, it is the responsibility of all sensible people to keep a small stock of non-perishable food in the pantry to tide a family over if there are short-term disruptions to supplies for any reason.

What that means is do not wait until March next year and then panic-buy. Start now and add a few extra items to your weekly shop and you will have your supplies ready and waiting for whatever problems do occur. If nothing happens, which I still feel is the likeliest outcome, then you can rotate them though as part of your normal family meals, but do continue to keep your larder well stocked.

You never know when we might have another vile winter when you will need that pantry, and weather concerns me more than fearmongering from the press over Brexit.

Thursday, 26 July 2018

Enjoy the Weather With Sensible Preparations for Next Year's Brexit Day


When I wrote A Sensible Prepping Guide earlier this year, the theme that ran through the book was the need to prepare for life's little vicissitudes by planning ahead.  That does not mean investing in a tinfoil hat and fantasising about the end of civilisation as we know it, rather it just means being aware of the stones that life tends to hurl at us and doing our best to avoid them.

In winter it gets cold, and sometimes when the thaw arrives the water pipes tend to burst, so keeping a couple of gallons of water in a cupboard makes sense to me. Similarly, the just in time system of distribution will tend to fall down in extreme weather conditions so having a pantry that is stocked with a month's worth of dry and canned foodstuffs is also a sensible way to live.

What you can't do is deal with an emergency on the hoof. Well, you can try, but it will probably end in tears or a great deal of hard work. It's being reported that shops in many parts of the country have sold out of their entire supply of electric fans and given the tropical weather that we are enjoying this year that is hardly a surprise. What is a surprise is that seemingly everyone is trying to buy their fans now, an attitude that I find completely ludicrous.

I bought my nice, 14" table fan in the late autumn of 2011. It was put in storage and every year in about May it gets hauled out and plugged in. Most years I only use it for a few days, but this year it has been running pretty much all the time. Come October it will go back into storage for another year, and that's the way to do it. My bedroom is kept cool with a fan heater that has a cold setting and that keeps the bedroom nice and airy by the way.

So the key to getting by is to make sensible plans for the future. It is not to start panicking as the readers of the Guardian are doing by worrying that food will no longer arrive in the country when we leave the European Union next year. Even if you are worried about a new version of Napoleon's Continental Blockade taking the Guardian's wanky, panicky advice is most certainly not a good idea and neither is reading the insane below the line comments from the paper's sexually self-sufficient readers.

So relax, enjoy the nice weather and if like me you don't really trust today's government or its system not to cock things up, then create a pantry for yourself with non-perishable foodstuffs that you enjoy eating and rotate them through the year, restocking as your supply gets low.

Live a sensible life, in other words, and stop believing anything you read in the Guardian.

Tuesday, 10 July 2018

The Guardian Protects Its Poly Readership



Actually, the writer in question is a woman and not a man, but it is probably safe to assume that she holds her degrees from a real, Russell Group, university and not a double glazing firm.

Unlike the Guardian's readership who get very shirty when they are reminded of just how third-rate they are.

Monday, 2 July 2018

AMLO Is the New Mexican President


Not the greatest photo that I've ever posted to head a piece, but an important one since it was sent to me by a Mexican voter seconds after she had left the polling station having voted in the most democratic presidential election in that country's history. Her thumb was stained by a special ink that will take some days to wear off to show that she had voted and prevent her from voting again.

Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, known as AMLO to friend and foe alike, will take office on the 1st December this year for a six-year term having garnered roughly 54% of the popular vote. His coalition also has about two-thirds of the 300 seats in the House of Deputies, and may even have a majority in the 96-seat Senate. 

The importance of this election has less to do with AMLO's stunning victory and more to do with the reaction of the defeated candidates. For the first time since Mexico's first democratic election in 1994, the losers have accepted the result and congratulated AMLO on his victory.

Normally, they would do as AMLO did back in 2006 and try to use cries of foul along with street protests to undermine the new ruler. The fact that this has not happened in 2018 gives hope that Mexico has passed out of the transition phase from the old dictatorship and into a new, fully democratic era.

AMLO's victory will be greeted by the toy-town left in Britain, but it is quite likely that they will be in for a nasty surprise when they see what his policies are and where his votes come from. AMLO actually has more in common with Donald Trump than either man would like to admit, so hopefully, relations with the USA may even improve.



AMLO shares with Trump an indifference to foreign policy coupled with a dislike of the North American Free Trade Agreement. Furthermore, he was elected by people who loath it for the same reason that working people in this country hate the European Union: NAFTA involved dismantling the old, protected Mexican economic model and allowing American exports to flood into the country.

Today, thanks to NAFTA, American corn dominates the Mexican market, which is why the sons of Mexico's farmers are off a-wetbacking in the USA rather than doing as generations did before them, which was growing Mexican corn for Mexican tortillas, subsidised by Mexican pesos from the federal government.

Similarly, the days when just about any product sold in Mexico had to be made in Mexico have ended. Mexican cars may have been a generation behind what was sold in the USA, but their production guaranteed employment for tens of thousands of workers. Yes, NAFTA has led to new car plants that produce state of the art vehicles, but they do not employ the vast army that used to work in the old closed economy and nor are the workers' rights to permanent employment as guaranteed as they were.

Mexico's wealthy, and the growing middle-class who suck up to the wealthy, have done well out of the new dispensation, but the bulk of the population are as desperate for change as we were in 2016 when we told the EU to take its hook. The Mexicans want protectionism and will look to AMLO to start giving it to them, just as their counterparts in the USA look to Trump.

Another factor that may leave the western wankerati feeling left out is the fact that throughout the campaign, AMLO has said next to nothing about the social issues that the wankerati find so important. So, he is unlikely to push for a constitutional amendment that will allow abortion nationwide and nor will he seek to do anything much in the way of pandering to homosexuals, feminists and the like. Such matters will probably be left to the states and to Mexico City which has all the powers of a state, without actually being one.

Corruption was a big issue in this campaign, as was the undeclared civil war that has led to thousands of deaths. The former is something that Mexicans always say they oppose, but don't really want to do much about since they tend to dream about getting a tasty government job that will give them access to bribes. The drugs' war hopefully will be halted in the old way by calling the various participants in and offering them a deal in return for the government getting its cut of the action. That's the way that Mexico used to work, and AMLO is very much a man who believes in the old values of the country.
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