Monday, 24 November 2014

The National hits the stands: here's my take

Did you hear the one about the Englishman, the Scotsman and the American woman who all went looking for The National at about 7 o'clock tonight?

I'm the Englishman who had been thinking about getting off his bum all day to wander round to the local newsagents to pick up the first edition of the new Scottish daily which will editorially support Scottish independence. The Scotsman was the bloke who got there a minute before me to snaffle up the last copy, before holding it up with a downward tilt to his mouth to show how thin it was. The 32 page tabloid is skinny indeed, and at 50p a bit overpriced, but we both agreed that a new paper is just a good thing these days, and then we wandered along to the next newsagent on the street to see if I could get a copy. For his part my new friend wanted to buy as many as he could to give to his friends, but he agreed to scamper on ahead of me with a promise that one copy was for me.

An American woman had gone into the shop just before him and when I arrived he announced that all the copies had gone. That was when she announced that she had bought the last three, and completely unbidden gave one to me. She even refused payment, saying "war all have to stick together on this one," so I not only got to read The National, but it came as a freebie as well.

So what do I think of it? My first reaction is that it is a bit preachy. Most of the stories are seen though the eyes of a committed, fire-breathing Nationalist, and more of the Yes voters are now people who want to get on with their lives. We fought a good fight, but there is more to our lives than trying to turn the referendum into a neverendum.

Secondly, I am dubious about the exclusive story which claims that Rangers and Celtic have combined to undermine the government's anti-sectarian drive. The point here is that Prods and Papes may enjoy hammering seven bells out of each other, but that does not mean that they are anti-independence. It means that they have a different set of cultural values to the ones propounded by the hacks who write for The National, but that is not the same thing. If the paper wants to attract the type of people who stuff a tabloid into the back pocket of their jeans then the self-righteous, bourgeois gittery needs to go.

Staying on the same theme, I could have done without the two page spread that profiled Hassan Rouhani. That's OK, as I had never heard of him, either, but he turns out to be the President of Iran...

Overall, the paper gives me the impression of something that has been knocked out in haste, so much so that the website is nothing more than a holding page at the time of writing. That in itself is not a major problem as the committed will buy the paper in the same way that Labour activists bought the News on Sunday back in the 1980s. However, does Scotland really need a paper that is only bought out of a sense of duty by the ideologically pure at heart?

If The National is to succeed then it needs to attract readers from the Daily Mail and its similar middlebrow competitors such as the Daily Express. The paper is obviously not aimed at the Sun's readership as there are not enough tit, bum and celebrity pages to attract that market. The problem is that as a mid-market tabloid it is not chatty enough to bring those readers over, and the air of pulpit pounding seriousness may put them off as well.

It's not the end of the world, and I hope that The National succeeds in its aim of giving Scotland a new daily paper that looks at the country through a nationalist lens. If it can acquire a character all of its own, one that appeals to a nationalist-leaning readership that is made up of people who have other things to do that talk about politics all the time, then it should do well.

Friday, 17 October 2014

It's official: UKIP really is a pussy party

Well, I have been saying for quite some time that UKIP is top-heavy with cunts, and this seems to be the proof.

For those of you who don't have a Filipino - English dictionary to hand, that's what puki means down there, as it were...

Sunday, 12 October 2014

Brooks Newmark stops being cocksure


Do we need to rerun the story of Brooks Nemark's downfall? Of course we do, if only for the laughs that it provides. Brooksie is the fat, balding, middle aged Tory minister who thought that svelte young things would enjoy seeing photos of his corpulent flesh, so he was in the habit of sending photos of his naked self to just about anyone female. The problem was that the girl on the left was actually a male freelance journalist who had nicked the photo of a Swedish fashion model to use as bait, and Brooksie sent a selfie that showed him wearing paisley jimjams with his dick sticking out of them. It's not just the fact that he is fat, balding and middle-aged that has made the internet roar with laughter. What tickles everyone's funny bone is that he thinks that paisley jimjams are sexy!

What can we say? Brooksie is claiming that he is suffering from some convenient mental disorder and has scampered off to a psychiatrist to have his head shrunk. However, that leads us to ask what was David Cameron thinking about when he appointed this head the ball in the first place? How can anyone trust a government that has people like Brooksie in it ranks?

Not only that, but even though he has promised to step down at the next election, why should the good people of Braintree be forced to endure  this buffoon as their member until May next year - he should resign now and let the people choose someone who hopefully has a bit more self awareness than this fool has so far displayed.

Finally, it emerged in today's Sun on Sunday that he was so cocksure of himself that at least one genuine woman was in receipt of a photo of the honourable member's member:


When the Murdoch press is laughing at the Tories, you just know that they are heading for defeat in just a few short months.

Sunday, 28 September 2014

Another Tory MP set to defect to UKIP on Saturday, as minister resigns in sex scandal

A UKIP source has told me that another Tory MP is set to defect to the Purples on Wednesday, so as to cause maximum humiliation to David Cameron on the day that he makes his speech to the Conservative conference. The purples are reported to be concerned that the Tories will manage to out this man before then, so UKIP are trying their best to keep a lid on the situation for the rest of the week ahead. A pity that their senior figures were talking strategy over more than a few beers in a pub within earshot of my source.

Yesterday saw the defection of Mark Reckless MP to UKIP as well as the resignation of Brooks Newmark MP, who was caught sending photos of himself in his jim-jams with his cock thrusting forth for what he fondly imagined was the delectation of a young woman. Alas for him it turned out to be a sting by the Sunday Mirror and the recipient was not only a journalist, but a man to boot.

As if all that wasn't enough, a new opinion poll of three key UKIP target seats show the Tories losing Boston & Skegness along with North Thanet to the Purples, but Labour increasing its majority in Rotherham.

Brooks Newmark isn't the only Tory with his dick hanging out during this Black September for the Tories, who are increasingly seen as in office but no longer in power. 

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Everyone's a doctor when it comes to the disabled


Meet William Stanway, who is a nine year old cerebral palsy sufferer. Quite rightly, his mother gets a blue badge for her car which can be used when Bill is with her. Recently the two of them went shopping in a Stoke supermarket, and returned to find this charming note on the car windscreen.

Needless to say,outraged mum,Joanne Harris got in touch with the local press and hopefully the buffoon who left the note is now feeling thoroughly humiliated, but that is not the point.

I can only speak for myself, but I am really sick and tired of the fact that when it comes to disability, everyone seems to fancy themselves as a doctor who can tell at a glance when someone is swinging the lead or not.

Not only that, but when proved to be wrong, they fall back on the line that the system is being routinely abused. In other words they pull figures out of their bums.

What do the disabled have to do just to be left alone by these idiots?

Monday, 22 September 2014

Labour is happy to work with the National Front

The Scottish Labour Party seemed to have entered into an agreement to support not only big business, but also the Scottish National Front to get people to vote No in the recent Scottish referendum:


As you can see from the poster on display in Aberdeen on the 13th September, Labour now reckons that it is "Best for Business," and never mind the people that private business has left on the cobbles in its drive for profits.

The woman standing on the right of the photo seems to be Sarah Boyack MSP, but who is the baldie at the front?

Here he is again, this time with Dame Anne Begg MP:


He is Dave MacDonald, leader of the Scottish National Front, a party which thinks that the BNP is far too liberal for their tastes.

Clearly they don't feel that way about New Labour, and given the smiles all round, New Labour seems to be very happy with them.

Here's Dave with some of his other mates, showing off their NF banner on the same day that he was photographed with the Labour crowd.


So, the New Labour Party is happy to mix with big business, the Tories, the Orange Lodges and now the National Front.

Is it any wonder that their core vote of unskilled and semi-skilled people who live on the estates are dropping the party like a hot brick?

Sunday, 21 September 2014

West Dunbartonshire strikes blow for freedom!

Who says you can't have a laugh about politics even in defeat? Some clever bugger has paid a visit to the West Dunbartonshire Wikipedia page and made a few alterations. Sometime tomorrow when the council workers who are responsible for this page find out I have no doubt that everything will be switched back to normal, but here's a link to an archived copy.

Killer text:


West Dunbartonshire is administered from Dumbarton, although Clydebank is the largest town. On September 18th 2014, West Dunbartonshire was one of four council regions along with North Lanarkshire and the cities of Glasgow and Dundee, to present a majority 'Yes' vote in the Scottish Independence Referendum. Just under 54% of the electorate voted in favour of independence, casting 33,720 Yes votes compared to the 27,776 (46%) No votes. Many residents were overheard discussing the benefits of "no bein shitebags" and actually taking the opportunity to kick the Tories in their collective metaphorical ballsack. Another hot topic was the economic possibilities of independence and how the "toon centre" could become more than pubs, bookies and "pish stained alkies". 

As such, the area is considered a sovereign region, comprised of those brave enough to truly proclaim themselves Scots. This bastion of fairness and equality has thrown off the shackles of Westminster to forge ahead for the betterment of society, leaving behind the fearful and meek people of other council areas in Scotland to ponder the consequences of them jobbying themselves at the polling stations.

Whoever you are: nice work!