Wednesday 28 June 2017

The Edinburgh Brexit Crew Reunited for the First Anniversary of our Great Victory

A good night was had by all last Friday as the group that helped win the Brexit victory met up for the first time since last year to celebrate that magnificent day. This is me, the semi-crippled old fat bastard on the left, sat with Tom, the former group organiser.

Here's the lovely Morven, sat next to her husband, Stefan. At the back the bloke with the beard is Oluf, and Otto stands to the front and on the right. I can't remember the names of the two fellas stood between Otto and Oluf, but they were nice blokes for all that and I hope they forgive me.

Here's Alan Melville, in the American football shirt. Alan is probably the last remaining Kipper in Edinburgh, but he's a great bloke for all that.

Finally, just today I bumped into Ian McGill, the owner of the Harmony Employment Agency at 142a Ferry Road, Edinburgh. As soon as he saw my Labour T-shirt he grabbed his Tory jacket and we had a photo taken. Ian is a good man, a committed Brexiteer, and unusually for a Tory, he has some human DNA in his body. Maybe it's the Scottish air, who knows, but Scottish Tories do seem rather more civilised than their feral counterparts in England.

T'was a great victory and we all have stories to tell our grandchildren: and mighty bored they will be!

Monday 26 June 2017

Tories Admit That the Magic Money Tree Really Does Exist!

The first photo has emerged of the magic money tree which the Tories claimed didn't exist. Actually it does and it grows in Northern Ireland, which is why today several large men in bowler hats were seen pushing wheelbarrows away from Downing Street, loaded with £1 billion worth of fertiliser for it.

Let's look on the bright side, the Democratic Unionist Party may be a trifle too conservative for me, but when it comes to economic matters they are on the far left, and that's all that matters right now. So the Tories have had to drop their plans to screw pensioners by abolishing the triple-lock, keep winter fuel payments, and dump their plans to reduce care for the elderly. As someone who is looking forward to getting a whacking great pay rise when he goes on pension in 2022, all I can say is thank fuck the cry really is No Surrender!

Sunday 25 June 2017

A Scold's Bridle From Yesterday and Today

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

This is a scold's bridle, used to keep scolding woman, or gobby birds as we now call them, quiet. Photographed in the Edinburgh Museum today.

Here is the modern equivalent. Rather more up to date in design but it serves the same purpose.

Friday 23 June 2017

Today is the First Anniversary of Glorious Brexit

A year ago today we voted to free ourselves from the clutches of Brussels. We had been told by various scum sucking Federast types that if we voted for freedom we would be condemning Britain to another generation of right-wing Tory rule, a line that I look back on today with a head-shaking grin.

Had we lost the vote a year ago then David Cameron would still be Prime Minister and the Chancellor would still be Gideon George Osborne. Dave and Gids would still be following their policies of austerity and nothing would have changed in any way.

Instead we sent Dave off to spend more time with his millions and Gids was packed off from Downing Street to Fleet Street. We ended up with a government headed by a woman who is obviously unable to think on her feet, that promised us that it would be strong and stable, but instead is clearly weak and wobbly. Waiting in the wings is a Labour opposition that is newly invigorated and thirsting for another election to give the final kick to scummy Toryism and send them off into opposition, hopefully for another generation at least.

We did all that. We, the Brexiteers, we created the chaos that has left a government reeling from crisis to crisis, in office but not in power, and just waiting for another event to crop up that will send them spinning out of office.

Now is the time to push on against a feeble regime. Brexit is a done-deal - we are leaving the European Union in March 2019 with or without an agreement, and it is time to start talking about the type of country that we want, once we are no longer restricted by Brussels.

How many industries do we want to nationalise? How many industries do we want to recreate? If we are going to start producing finished goods in large quantities again then energy is going to be needed so are we going to reopen coal mines and rebuild coal fired power stations to provide both energy and jobs?

None of these questions would even have been asked had we not, a year ago today, ignored the arse-crawling Federasts who told us to vote to remain a province of the European Union.

Hey, if you want to relive the glory days, why not buy a copy of The Brexit Collection, from Amazon and all good bookshops? If you fancy a signed copy for your bookshelf then drop me a line. It's guaranteed to really, truly, deeply offend every Federast and Neo-Quisling who catches sight of it.

Monday 12 June 2017

Reflections on the 2017 General Election

The Tory strong and stable line left its creators with egg on their faces, as Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party looks more and more like a government in waiting, with Theresa May's Tories increasingly appearing as a party in office but not in power. How did we get into this ludicrous situation?

People do not like being asked to vote when it is not necessary, is the first answer to that question. Back in 1974, the Tories asked the people to decide who governs? The people, myself included, replied that it wasn't going to be a collection of clowns who asked daft questions like that and we threw them out. This month the Tories did something equally silly in calling an election that was not needed and then being surprised at the result. Put simply, we expect the government to govern so that we can get on with our lives, and Theresa May forgot that basic rule.

The other lesson of this election is that any party that tries to fuck with the baby boomers does so at its peril. The Tories tried to remove the pensions' triple lock and paid the price for that. They also came up with a reform of elderly care that led an awful lot of boomers to realise that the houses that they hoped to inherit would vanish in nursing home fees. That Dementia Tax as Labour quickly dubbed it was also a reason why many people chose not to vote Tory in 2017.

We should remember that the Tory vote actually went up in this election and the just over 42 percent that they scored was a higher number than Cameron managed in both 2010 and 2015. The problem they had was that Labour's vote also rose to 40 percent and that both main parties then took chunks out of the Liberal Democrats, UKIP and Scottish National Party's share of the seats. It looks like we are back to two-party politics in Great Britain, so 42 percent is not enough to form a government with an overall majority.

That said, if the governing party can pull itself together, then there is no reason why a reasonable government cannot emerge from this chaos that can then run the country for the next four or even five years. That is something that the bulk of the population would welcome.

To be honest, the thought of another election makes my blood run cold. The Democratic Unionist Party has thrown in its ten seats behind the Tories, and although that party is socially very conservative, when it comes to benefits, pensions and government spending it puts Labour to shame.

So long as the government concentrates on the big issue, which is Brexit, and ignores pretty much everything else, then I see no reason why this Tory government cannot survive for a full term.

All they need to do is remember that the baby boomers are not to be touched until enough of us have died off in about ten years to make that possible. Oh, and give the Ulstermen lots of money.

Thursday 8 June 2017

Vote Labour Today

I voted today at 1.30pm to try and ensure that the strong & stable bollocks that the Tories were coming out with was consigned to history. It's probably a forlorn hope, but just image the fun you will have when you go to work tomorrow and see the look on the face of the snot-gobbling management git with his National Front haircut and cheap suit who likes to give you old buck.

Labour is offering us goodies the like of which we could only dream about under previous leaders. A defence of the triple lock on pensions, nationalisation of several industries, an end to university fees are just three that come to mind.

More importantly even than the goodies is the knowledge that  Labour under Corbyn is a party that is committed to Brexit - and probably a hard one as well. Say what you like about old Jezza, his opposition to that capitalist front goes back decades.

Yeah, I know, it is asking a lot to expect normal people to vote for a party headed by a man who is a teetotal vegetarian who has fucked Dianne Abbott, but let's put that to one side and concentrate on the goodies that are on offer.

Turnout here in Edinburgh North & Leith was very high today as people trudged through the piss-pouring rain to cast their ballots. If we can do it then so can you:

Vote Labour!

Tuesday 6 June 2017

Some Information for First-Time Tory Voters

His Satanic Majesty wishes to advise all first time Tory voters of the following changes to the schedule:

The free baby that you have been promised to eat will only be handed over after you have performed your abominable voting act. 

The pretty puppy dogs that you were due to get on voting day to drown will now be delivered the day after the vote.

The need to perform the osculum infame has been dropped for the 8th June 2017 only. Your cross on the paper next to a Tory candidate is proof enough of your willingness to move over to the dark side.

His Satanic Majesty feels sure that you will accept these minor changes.

Friday 2 June 2017

Labour starts to climb in the polls as Tory landslide hopes fade

Any Tory reading this may very well wish to clench his arsehole before reading further to avoid embarrassing accidents:

The latest Ipsos-Mori poll out just today has the Tories on 45%, Labour on 40% and the Lib-Dems on a derisory seven. Now I know we all ignored the YouGov poll on Wednesday, 'cos one swallow does not make a girlfriend, but this is a trend that we are seeing here, folks, and we ignore them at our peril.

Women appear to be deserting the Tories in large numbers, and if the Tories lose that faithful constituency then they really are in trouble.

Finally, Mr Plod has decided the charge South Thanet Tory candidate Craig Mackinlay over his 2015 election expenses. Decided today, that is, with less than a week to go until polling day. 

All good fun!
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